Intuition
by xXPrincessMXx
Summary: It's a shady, dark world he lived in. To relieve himself from routine just a bit, he accepts a bet. When the bet backfires on him in the strangest way possible, what will he do? [Roxiri]
1. Author's note

**_Intuition_**

 **Author's note:**

 _Dear reader,_

I don't normally do author's notes before or after a story; I usually put whatever I have to say in the chapter itself.

Nevertheless, this story is a bit different from what you might be used to, so consider this a warning or something to keep in mind.

This story is about a loverboy. This is a common phrase where I live, but to make sure that we are all on the same page, I'm talking about a male here who starts a relationship with a young girl or woman, who uses affection and material support to make her dependent on him, only to later demand repayment of that support through forced prostitution, often combined with the use of drugs or abuse.

I think it's clear by now why I've decided to rate this story as 'mature'.

Even so, without spoiling the story, love is supposed to win, in the end, no?

This is where I want to make a remark: please do realize this is fiction. People can change their behavior, but you can't radically change someone for real in real life.

If you meet a guy or girl who you suspect is a loverboy/lovergirl, please make sure you contact your parents or others who can help you. Once you're in that world and once they've got you isolated, going back is almost impossible.

There are a lot of warning signs and I'm sure you'll be able to find a list somewhere. If someone has a lot of money to spend, for example, but can't justify the origins.

A teacher once said to me: "if something is too good to be true, usually there's some sort of catch to it."

Just be careful out there, is what I'm trying to say. I have never met a loverboy myself and I don't know anyone who has, but it is (in my country at least) still a big issue that our society is facing.

My story should be purely for 'entertainment' only, but please take note that these kinds of things happen in real life.

Thank you for your patience and please be safe.

 _Yours sincerely,_

 _Your author._


	2. Prologue: the Bet

_**Intuition**_

 _Prologue:  
The Bet_

-x-

He was circling the edge of his glass with the tip of his index finger.

He was having a somewhat free night today, but he knew that fragile piece of freedom could end at any given time.

Nevertheless, he wasn't planning on working tonight.

Besides, he had guided and instructed the new guy for an entire month, he needed this night off for his own sanity, too.

The new guy, Vanitas, however, was glancing around rather critically.

"See anything you like?" he asked his new colleague, a bit amused at the eagerness of the younger guy.

"It's not just about ' _liking_ '," Vanitas remarked, taking a tentative sip from his beer, leaning with his back against the counter. "It's about a high chance of success, too."

"How so?"

Vanitas gestured to the corner of the room, where two women were chatting together.

The blonde one seemed a bit shy, her petite figure almost fragile.

The auburn haired one was slender, something rather confident in her figure.

"Well, the blonde's easier for me than the redhead. You can tell that much."

"Why would the redhead be more difficult?" he asked, raising his brow. The way the redhead held her head up high and the way she gestured... she knew what she was doing. He wouldn't necessarily call it difficult.

Besides, he knew some pretended to be that confident; it was as much of a trick as everything he did. 'Fake it until you make it', after all.

"She's harder to break," Vanitas explained. "Takes longer, takes more energy and money. The blonde is way easier to wrap around your finger. I mean, look at her: her posture just radiates off insecurity. Easy."

"If you want to, you can break both of them without much trouble," he said thoughtfully. "It's all about the right approach, really."

"Really?" Vanitas said, laughing a little as he glanced at the blonde guy with awe. "I know the boss said you're good, I know that much, but _that_ good?"

"I can get her," he said, rather confidently. He ignored the remark about his father. "The redhead, I mean."

"Let's make a bet, then," Vanitas said, smirking, golden eyes shimmering. "You'll get a hundred bucks if you can get the redhead to sleep with you and I'll get you a hundred bucks if you can't."

"Deal," he said easily, gulping down the rest of his beer. "In the meantime, why don't you try and go for the blonde, instead?"

He pushed himself off the counter without waiting for the reply of his colleague, maneuvering himself through the crowd, towards the two women.

He really hadn't planned on working tonight, but this was a special case.

It wasn't about the money; a hundred bucks meant very little if you were as successful as he was in this dark, shady world.

This was about his pride, about his competence.

The auburn haired woman glanced up as she somehow noticed him approaching, meeting his gaze for a second.

Something shifted in her expression, her wide eyes alert.

He had never really seen anyone respond to him like that before.

Usually, girls swooned over him, while this woman was clearly getting fidgety the closer he came to her.

He had finally reached their table. "Good evening," he said, using the same smooth voice he used on all of them. It worked just fine, usually. "Can I get the two of you a drink?"

The blonde seemed highly startled, not having seen him arrive in the first place, blinking a bit rapidly as she glanced nervously at her friend. "Er… yeah, sure, why not?"

The redhead, however, was not as fazed and narrowed her eyes at him. "No, thank you. I'm good."

"Anything else, perhaps?"

"How about _leaving_?" she asked him, her voice friendly, though something flamed up in her eyes.

"Wait-," the blonde protested quietly, but she shook her head resolutely at her friend.

He was somewhat impressed, even though he made sure to keep his expression friendly and as neutral as possible.

Vanitas was coming after him, too, as he tried again and leaned a bit closer to the redhead, tilting his head slightly to the side. "I'm sorry, I just had to come and say 'hi'," he said, smiling slightly, hoping to put her at ease.

For some reason, instead of having reached the result he was waiting for (which was a flattered girl and thus a more relaxed girl), she seemed to panic a little, her eyes leaving his face to glance up at the black haired guy standing next to him.

That seemed to only add more fuel to the fire of panic in her eyes.

"Hello," Vanitas said. "You girls having a good evening?"

"Excuse me," the redhead muttered, picking up her purse from the ground and brushing past him. "Restroom," she said rather curtly to her blonde friend, who seemed a bit flustered at the attention of two strange guys.

Now that was a normal response. Why didn't the redhead work the same way?

He left the blonde in the hands of his colleague as he followed the redhead, a bit confused.

He didn't understand why his methods didn't work on her.

Why was he stirring up panic inside of her? He had never done that to anyone else, so why now?

She was in the restroom for forever, so it seemed.

When she hadn't come out for half an hour, he waited for the brown haired girl to leave the restroom and held open the door as she was the last one to have entered.

None of the stalls were used, anymore, and she wasn't in the small wash up area either.

Frowning, he entered the restroom, glancing behind him to see whether anyone had noticed him, which was not the case.

Then, his eye fell on a small window that had been opened.

He stared at it blankly, completely shocked for a second.

Had she really _escaped_ him through the _window of the restroom_?

He rubbed the back of his neck as he exited the restroom, flabbergasted.

Well, this was surprising.

It seemed like he would have to change his usual routine a bit for this one.

He smirked a bit, nevertheless.

This woman was strangely interesting, after all.

After all the women he had wound around his finger, he felt his job had gotten slightly boring.

They always wanted to hear the same things, be touched the same ways.

This type of woman was exactly what he needed.

A distraction.

But he'd get there, he thought to himself as he left the restroom.

She was one point up ahead of him, but he would catch up with her.

The redhead would go down.

-x-


	3. Phase One: Meeting

_**Intuition**_

 _Chapter One:_

Phase One: Meeting

* * *

It had been a while since he had been like this.

Rather, it had been a while since he hadn't tried his best to look a certain way.

He had traded his leather jacket for a sweater, allowing his naturally messy blonde hair to be as messy as it normally was without him intervening. He was looking... _natural_ , maybe. Vulnerable

He needed to be as natural as he could be now, even though that went against his own instincts.

First impressions were very important and he had to admit it, he had blown it.

He had to rectify it as soon as possible before it was officially too late to try again.

He had given her a week to allow the panic surrounding him to wear off a little. He needed that time to find out where she usually was, anyway.

Vanitas wouldn't spill any information on either the blonde or the redhead, but he didn't need Vanitas to cooperate in order to find the woman.

He had gotten quite skilled at this after being on the job for five years, after all.

He had first hacked into the high school and college registers, looking through the photos of the student body, trying to find the redhead.

He hadn't expected to be so lucky at the first try of locating the redhead, but apparently, he was. He found her after just two and half hours; Kairi Hikari was her name.

Now all there was left to do was to do over his first impression with her and to make sure she would feel secure around him.

Having to fix that hadn't ever been a concern to him, but he was sure he could pull it off.

He figured she was just more intuitive than most others; her instinct told her he was bad news. It was right, of course, but he needed to trick that instinct if he'd ever hoped to get her to sleep with him and win the bet. That would be the hardest part, at least.

After that she would probably be the same as all the others.

So, he was off to the library for the first time in years, figuring that might be the best place to start as she was a student following a excellence program.

Pretending to look through the books on the shelves, he kept a close eye on everyone present.

There was the librarian, a study group, a few people drinking coffee and talking quietly in the corner. People came in, left the place. No sign of anyone with red hair.

Then, after a while, - _finally_ \- the door opened to reveal the redhead.

She hadn't seen him yet, which was good. She might've turned and ran out on him again.

He still couldn't believe she had escaped him last time like that. She wouldn't get away this time, though.

He pretended not to see her, though he kept a close eye on her, making sure he knew where she was.

If she had seen him without him noticing, he would have to chase after her and if that was the case, he preferred to know it sooner than later.

She was still oblivious to him, though, comparing books in the small hallway next to him.

He took a deep breath to mentally prepare himself for the task. The last time he had to do that had been just before he slept with his first victim.

He quietly made his way over to her side, picking a random book from the shelf, making sure he brushed past her a little to make his presence known.

She glanced up momentarily before looking back at her book. Realization hit just a second later, when she froze up completely in an almost comical way.

He couldn't afford to laugh now, though. Well, it was showtime.

"Oh, sorry," he apologized right away, knowing that he wasn't just apologizing for brushing past her. If he apologized now for such a trivial thing, she might take his other apology much sooner. "Didn't see you there."

"S'okay," she muttered, a wary look on her face, though she didn't look up again. She definitely had not forgotten him, at the very least. Was that something? He suspected it would've been better this time if she had forgotten all about him.

"Hey, aren't you the girl from the bar last week?" he said, though he knew exactly that she was, of course.

She took a hesitant step back as he mentioned their last meeting. Again, he had to admit that he was impressed; she would actually run away after he had confronted her, too. Not on his watch, though. "Wait," he said hurriedly. "I wanted to apologise."

"Apologize?" she asked tentatively, still taking another step back.

"Yeah," he said as heartfelt as he could muster. "I… I didn't mean to creep you out," he said, lowering his voice as he saw the librarian glancing over at them. "Sorry. My friend said I should and I, well, did," he said, rubbing the back of his neck to pretend to be awkward. It was easier than he thought; he actually did feel a little awkward. This was not his scene. Not his usual type of girl, maybe. "Sorry."

"That's okay," she said, this time a little less uncomfortable, having stopped moving backwards.

He let out a quiet exhale of relief at that. At least he could get the apology across. "I'm Roxas," he said, knowing the risk he was taking as he extended his hand.

Usually, he would make up a name to make sure that if one of his women ever got free, he wouldn't have to worry about the police too much.

Using his real name was kind of taboo, but he was willing to put that on the line if it meant saving his pride.

He would get this girl, one way or another.

If she required a little bit more honesty than the others, he would gladly be more honest.

It wouldn't matter much in the end, anyway, he figured. Some eventually went so far past their breaking point that they did forget.

"Kairi," she said quietly as she shook his hand, her hand warm and slim in his. "Nice to meet you, then." She didn't seem to think it was so nice meeting him, however. There was still a very wary expression on her face. She looked as if she hoped he would forget her name as soon as possible.

"Likewise," he said nevertheless. "I'm glad I could sort it out with you," he added, smiling a bit. "See you around, maybe?"

Change of plan.

He needed to leave; the apology hadn't worked its magic as he had hoped it would.

He would have to leave so she had the opportunity to consider him 'safe', without him rushing her while doing so.

She smiled back a little, just a very small turn of the corners of her lips. He realised with a jolt in his stomach she was probably relieved that he would leave. "Yeah. See you around. Without your friend, hopefully," she added sharply. He had guessed that much.

"Without my friend," he promised her. Whatever, he usually worked on his own anyway. Vanitas, or anyone else, really, would just get in his way.

This could've have gone better, but it hadn't gone as terribly as he had feared at first, he thought to himself as he brought some random books with him to the librarian to check out with his forged pass.

It would give him an excuse to come back later, to create another innocent 'meeting-moment'.

Usually he liked to keep up a certain pace with his girls after their first meeting, but he needed to win her over as much as possible, which required a little bit of extra time.

Vanitas had been right in one way, at least. This one was going to be harder to break, but he _would_ break her.

He would break Kairi Hikari apart, make sure to rip her world to shreds and put her away in the dark place isolated from society along with the others.

In the end, she was just a woman, like the rest of them, no matter how good her instincts were.

In the end, he would win just the same, as he always did.

That put his thoughts at ease; he really hadn't expected to ever run into someone like her before and it messed up his confidence in a very strange way.

* * *

He had already seen her come in, of course.

He had kept this particular day free so he would be able to pursue her without having to worry about other dates or his control rounds in the brothel. It was hard enough without time pressure.

He pretended that he hadn't seen her again, though.

If she wouldn't approach him, he would have other methods of making sure they would talk again, that was for sure, but he was curious to see what she would do.

It was part of his plan, too, actually. He wanted to know where he stood today.

Had she warmed up a little to him now? She must have; he had been a nice guy last time, hadn't he?

She had noticed him, he could hear her footsteps come closer before she gently tapped him on his shoulder.

"Hey."

"Oh, hey," he said, feigning surprise. "Long time no see."

It really had been a while, he had seen her last two weeks ago or so.

She smiled a little, though her eyes remained extremely wary.

It unnerved him a bit; he had hoped he had repaired most of the damage already.

"Yeah," she said vaguely. "Long time no see. How are you?"

She was just being polite, that was rather disappointing. He had to be careful; one slip up and he would lose her for good. It made him feel strangely nervous. "I'm good, how about you?"

She shrugged. "Exams are coming up, so I'm a bit busy."

"Right," he said, nodding more to himself than to her. "You can study over here if you want," he offered. The rest of the library had gotten pretty crowded, which was making sense now. He should've kept an eye on the timetables, what a silly mistake to make. "I was planning on leaving sooner or later anyway."

A flash of guilt spread over her face. "I didn't mean to chase you out," she said hurriedly. "Besides, I don't need that much space," she added, sitting down on the empty chair next to him.

Good, he had already hoped he would be able to soften her through guilt.

He didn't speak to her again, as he needed to make sure that she would become more at ease around him.

She seemed a bit stiff as she opened her books, but as time ticked away without him talking to her, she seemed to relax a little, just as he had anticipated.

He let her study, though. He waited patiently until five o'clock in the afternoon, when she sat up a little, stretching herself and yawning a little, though she kept on reading. That woman had concentration skills of steel, he had to say. Quite impressive.

He closed his book (which he hadn't really been reading anyway), making her look up to meet his gaze. "I'm going," he informed her. "I'm going to grab dinner, it's getting late."

He didn't invite her on purpose.

There were tons of possibilities to do so after she had snapped out of her focussed state.

He didn't want to surprise her with a sudden invitation which she would turn down on impulse.

He waited until she had glanced at the clock, watching surprise flash over her face; she really had forgotten the time. Perfect. "See you around, then?" he pressed gently.

"Yeah," she said, a bit rushed as she started to collect her things. "I didn't know it was this late already," she mumbled a bit distractedly as she stuffed the things in her backpack. "I have an appointment tonight and I still have to eat, too," she said, a bit stressed out now as she took another glance at the clock, perhaps hoping she had been mistaken the first time she looked.

This had become easier than he had anticipated.

Maybe her guardian angels on her shoulder had gotten drunk or he had just gotten extremely lucky. Maybe the tables had turned for real now. "You can come with me, if you'd like," he said as nonchalantly as he could as he swung his bag over his shoulder. "You'll be done much earlier, right?"

She considered it. She definitely didn't trust him, but she didn't have much time either. She sighed slightly, smiling up at him. Her sigh seemed rather defeated, but that worked for him just the same. "Yeah, that seems like a good idea."

He smiled back, honestly relieved. This meant that she was giving him the benefit of the doubt, for the first time. It wasn't much, but it was a start. "All right. Let's go, then," he said to her as he led the way to the door. "Since we've gotta hurry and all."

She gave him an apologetic smile. "Sorry for rushing your evening plans."

"That's quite all right," he assured her.

He took her to the restaurant across the street, suspecting she had been there before.

It would put her at ease, hopefully, being in an environment she knew well along with people she had probably seen before or had been acquainted with.

All there was left to do, was to make her warm up to him a little bit more through conversation this time.

Honesty still seemed key here, but it also put him on edge a bit. He was used to telling the lie; truth was almost a foreign thing to him at this point.

As she was glancing over the menu, he took the time to really look at her, initially to assess her.

Before he would lead her down the path he had already thought out, he needed to make sure what kind of guys she would attract. Proper placement was important, after all.

He got a bit distracted, though, as she seemed strangely radiant in the dimmed lights of the restaurant, unlike anything or anyone he had ever seen before.

Her auburn hair seemed to emit a gentle, warm glow, her wide, indigo eyes shimmering slightly. He tilted his head to the side as he studied her face.

She was definitely one of the prettiest girls he had courted, if not the prettiest one.

She glanced up momentarily and met his stare. Her cheeks heated up, something tugging at his heart a little as she seemed to become a bit shy. "What?"

"Nothing," he hurriedly said, clearing his throat as he quickly averted his gaze to his menu. He slipped up, but he hadn't made a mistake he thought he would make. It had done some good too, apparently, because she smiled at him a little, a more genuine smile than before. Why was he the one who felt as if he had lost his balance a little? He was supposed to be in control here, he thought sternly to himself. Focus. _Focus_.

"So, what are you studying?" he asked her, regaining his composure.

"Law," she simply said, grinning at him. "So if I were you, I'd watch out, because I might sue you."

That was indeed a bit of a problem (a huge one, possibly), but for some reason, it made him grin too.

She was getting him enthusiastic about conquering her, strangely enough. He hadn't seen that coming either. It must be the change in difficulty. This challenge went from hard to extremely hard and he almost felt fired up for it. "This dinner is my treat then, I suppose," he said easily. "Heaven forbid I would let you pay, I might end up in jail."

She giggled, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "It won't escalate that much, I assure you. So, what are you studying, then?"

"Business," he lied, though that was the only thing that seemed to be true, according to the random books he had picked. Maybe he was kind of running his own business, even though he worked for his father. Well, whatever, it wasn't like one lie would matter that much.

"Oooh," she said, smiling a bit. "So if I ever run into trouble with crunching numbers, I can call you, huh?"

"Obviously," he said, surprised at how well it was going. He secretly suspected her to run out on him anytime now. "If I were to give you my number, that is. I'm a bit scared, right now."

"That's strange hearing that from you," she said, laughing a little though her tone was a bit sharp.

"I'm really sorry, still," he said, though he couldn't help but be a bit curious. "Did you really climb through the bathroom window to escape, though?"

She flushed a bright red, hiding her face in her hands. "Yes."

"No way," he said, though he had already thought so. It was either the window or she had dug herself a hole in the floor, which seemed a bit unlikely. "How did you do _that_?"

"I climbed on the edge of the toilet and kind of worked my way up," she said, a bit embarrassed. "I fell, though, when I was finally through the window. I think I sprained my ankle a little, but I thought it was worth it."

He shook his head, rather flabbergasted, again.

To hear her say she thought her escape had been 'worth it' made him wonder how panicked she had originally been.

No wonder his first 'apology' didn't land as well as he had hoped it would.

He had screwed up quite badly back then, even more than he originally thought. "I had no idea I was that scary."

She fidgeted a bit in her seat. "Well, scary might be a little, well…" she started evasively. "You just gave me a, well, very bad vibe. Probably because you were with your friend," she added hurriedly, as if she was afraid she had offended him somehow. "I might've misjudged you. Sorry."

"Don't be," he said, feeling strangely uneasy at her apology. She had not misjudged him, after all. "I'm glad I can make it up to you. I felt really bad about that night."

She smiled, a warm and broad smile this time. "Hey, everyone deserves a second chance, right?"

He felt a strange pang of sympathy for the woman in front of him.

He wished, just for a split second, that she would get a second chance, too.

He shrugged it off.

Some were just unlucky and she had become his target by some nasty move of fate.

There was no such thing as a second chance for her anymore.

* * *

That night when he came home, he kicked off his shoes, a weird feeling in his stomach.

He wanted to say the weird feeling was exhaustion, but that didn't seem quite right.

Trying to be truthful hadn't been that hard at all, either. Maybe that was why he was feeling weird.

He went to his desk, opened a new folder and wrote down 'Kairi Hikari' on the tag.

He had already printed out her picture and he searched for a blank paper.

This was his routine and a small key to his success.

Remembering details was important in his job and his memory wasn't good enough to keep up with the amount of details he had to remember.

Like this, he would be able to look through the woman's file just before he met up so he had everything clear.

It was almost like a puzzle, though he could fill in most by just guessing at this point. He wouldn't do so with this woman, however, for obvious reasons.

She was different in almost every single way.

He tried to write down as neatly as he could that she studied law (which was still a bit of a problem if she found out, considering what he did was highly illegal), that she had an older brother named Axel, that she was still living with her parents and that she was nineteen years old.

He fumbled with his pen a bit.

He was slightly worried that he might've given away too much as he had told her about Sora.

She had caught him off guard and he had spoken about his brother for the first time in quite some time.

He had spilled on accident, as she was telling a story about her and her own brother when they were younger, and he recognised the setting from his own memories.

Then, her smile had been strangely encouraging and he ended up telling her all about his little brother.

Well, little _half_ -brother, actually. He had spared her the details about their differences in mother.

Nevertheless, he had said too much. He had even told her that he hadn't seen Sora ever since their last row.

How strange. He hadn't thought about that in ages, yet he felt a little off-balanced as he had told her about it, as if it had been bothering him all this time.

He hadn't told her what the row was about, of course, as the fight had been about him being what he was.

It wouldn't matter.

Once he had her where he wanted to have her, this information wouldn't be a problem anymore, he would make sure of that.

As he finished writing, he glanced at her picture for a bit before he shut her folder.

He had never taken a personal interest in any woman before; all he looked for was a certain type of youthfulness and insecurity that made them susceptible to his tactics.

With a small pang in his chest, he realised she _could_ be his type, in a whole different world, where he had been born in a normal family and he would've met her by accident.

In a world where he wasn't what he was and where she hadn't become his target through a bet.

He never concerned himself much with ' _what ifs_ ', but he wondered what it would've been like.

He figured he should have to pretend it was like that, if he wanted to succeed with Kairi.

He felt a bit uneasy about that, though. Nevertheless, his pride was still on the line and he wasn't going to lose a bet made with someone who just enrolled in this kind of job.

He was a _veteran_ , for God's sake.

If _he_ couldn't get Kairi Hikari, then no one could, but he'd show the rookie that he knew exactly what he was doing and that he was capable of doing so.

* * *

 **Thanks so much for reading the first chapter of 'Intuition'! Hopefully it didn't disappoint :)**

What do you guys think so far?

I would like to point out that I've recently created a Twitter-account. Follow me at PrincessM_95 if you want to know what I'm up to. In case you think I'm dead or something. And if you're not interested, that's okay, too. Just thought I'd mention it.

Lots of love,  
PrincessM


	4. Phase Two: The Chase

_**Intuition**_

 _Chapter Two:_

Phase Two: The Chase

* * *

 _Maybe._

* * *

The next phase was the dating phase.

That would've been the correct name if this were a normal case and he was pretty decided on the fact that this woman did not belong in that category.

So, what was this, then?

He wondered about it for a second as he flipped his pen around his fingers. Courting? That just sounded gross and damn old-fashioned.

The chase, then? Maybe.

It was already dark out; he should probably head out to meet up with one of his girls.

Still, tomorrow was yet another Wednesday and Wednesdays were her days.

He didn't know her phone number and the library was the easiest place to 'meet up' without actually deciding on 'meeting up'.

He already knew her address, obviously, but it would most definitely work against him if he'd just show up.

He stifled a laugh at the thought of her face. No, she wouldn't like that very much.

He caught himself wondering about what he should ask her tomorrow.

He was looking forward to it now, some of the former anxiety gone now that he was certain he wouldn't screw up anymore.

He sighed, putting down his pen as he stood up, stretching a little. It was going to be yet another long night.

Maybe he shouldn't have agreed to meet Selphie first. 

* * *

He flipped through the pages, suppressing a yawn.

He would've called it a night much earlier if it hadn't been for Vanitas's runner.

It happened to the best of them and everyone had had at least one so-called 'runner' in their career.

Their 'victims' tended to want a different life for themselves and some choose to try and escape.

That's why he usually got his women addicted to any kind of substance. It was the easiest way to bind them to their new lives, rendering them unable to escape, or less likely to, at least.

Vanitas had slightly more… violent tendencies to keep his women under control. Or to punish them, on occassions. Yesterday had been one, for example.

Even though he was used to quite a lot, even he had to look away at times.

There was a strange, cruel and almost wicked side to Vanitas's behaviour that even _he_ couldn't stomach.

He wished his head would stop pounding.

He felt miserable and he would probably have 'called in sick' if it weren't for Kairi.

It was strange; she wouldn't even know he had skipped their 'meeting' as she probably still thought it was a coincidence.

He debated with himself whether or not he would allow himself to go home and sleep.

He decided against it; it was way too important to keep these meetings regular. Besides, he wanted to see her.

He was curious, after all. He was always curious.

He heard the jingle of the door opening minutes later and he looked up to see the familiar auburn haired woman walk in, her eyes wandering around the room to find his.

She smiled slightly as she recognised him, quite friendly this time. He was glad he had stayed.

"Good morning," she said as she took a seat next to him.

"Good morning," he greeted her. "How are you doing?"

"You know, same old," she said with a shrug. "You look tired," she said as she studied his face for a bit. "You all right?"

"I pulled an all-nighter," he said, not even lying. "It was rough."

He knew she'd assume he was up all night studying and that was quite all right.

Even if she had known about it, he honestly didn't want to talk about it.

"Oh," she said sympathetically. "And you're here again today, too. Don't you want to take a nap or something?"

"Nah," he said, fighting another yawn. "I'm good. Besides, if I fell asleep now, my whole rhythm will be messed up for days. Just gotta pull through today, that's all."

She chuckled a little. "Yeah, I've been there. Well, you know, sleep is for the weak, anyway."

His head was still pounding, yet he didn't feel as miserable as he did before. It must've been the distraction, even though he knew for sure talking to Selphie wouldn't have helped whatsoever. "Yeah, who needs sleep, right?"

She smiled back. "Sorry, should I stop talking?"

"No, by all means," he said, shaking his head a little. "It might be the only thing keeping me awake at this point."

"I can take you out for coffee, if you'd like," she said, eyeing the librarian. "Unless you really want to pretend you're studying."

"You want to head out?" he said, almost baffled that she had come up with such a suggestion.

She nodded, slightly confused. "Yeah? I mean, when I had done an all-nighter for an essay, one of my friends took me out for coffee and it was the best thing ever," she finally said with a sigh, her gaze a bit dreamily as she stared outside, probably thinking back to that occassion.

She snapped back with a soft chuckle. "It'll keep you awake, I promise."

"Well, I won't say no to that," he said, wondering how he should interpret this.

She compared it to a 'friendly action', so he would keep this day in the same category. No matter how he looked at it, it was improvement and that was all that counted, for now.

* * *

He went with her to a very small lunchroom and she left him at one of the tables in the back, near the window.

As she went to order, he dropped his head on his folded arms on the table, staring blindly outside.

It might've been stupid to come, but he couldn't regret it.

He turned his head slightly, so he was able to gaze at her instead.

He never allowed himself to be even slightly vulnerable around the women he dated. Why was he allowing himself to be vulnerable around her?

He had no answer to that, really.

She was moving quite gracefully, he noticed as he was still staring at her.

The way she held her head high, the way she shifted her weight, the small movements of her hands as she talked… he wondered why he hadn't noticed that before.

When she received the two cups of coffee he turned his head back to the window again.

He decided it was better not to be caught staring.

"There you go," she said softly as she gently put down his cup. "It's quite strong, so it might not exactly be what you usually like, but trust me, it'll give you enough of a boost to last the day."

"What did you take?" he said as he raised his head a little to look at her. The contents of her cup didn't look as dark as his did.

She smirked a little. "I took the drinkable kind, of course."

"How mean," he remarked with a small smile as he eyed his coffee. "Well, there we go."

He made a face as he took a sip. The bitter taste was awful and he coughed a little as he swallowed. "Yuck."

She giggled. "It's bad, huh?"

She hadn't lied; he started to feel more alert and awake as he braced himself for a second sip. "Thanks, though. I think I can hear myself think again."

"There you go," she said. "I'm surprised you didn't take the day off, though."

"I've got another deadline coming up," he said, not necessarily lying.

"Yeah, it never really ends," she agreed with a sigh. "Good to know you're working hard."

She had no idea. He felt slightly uncomfortable. "How did your exam go, by the way? I forgot to ask."

"Oh, you know," she said dismissively. "It was a law exam, so the fact that I cried for about twenty minutes and then wrapped things up means that I was well-prepared."

He laughed a little as he took another tentative sip. "It was that bad?"

She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "It was awful. The teacher was waiting outside, asking everyone who finished early how it went. All the others simply glared or said something rude and I'm socially awkward that I just squeaked: 'oh, yeah, fine'," she muttered darkly, dropping her head on the table. "I'm still cringing."

He laughed again, trying to stifle it with the back of his hand.

She glanced up at the sound of his laughter, shaking her head, though she smiled again too. "I mean, even with you that day… I should've just told you that you creeped me out instead of making a run for it."

He couldn't blame her for that, though. "Why pick the easy way if you can tumble your way out of a window?"

She gasped as she sat up. "Oh my God, I want that on my tombstone!"

He choked on his next sip of coffee and she burst out laughing too.

"Sorry, sorry," she said, wrapping her fingers around her cup to warm them. "I'll let you drink in peace. We don't want the phrase: 'Goddamnit, this stupid woman made me drink this kind of horrid coffee and now it killed me' on your tombstone, do we?"

"Yeah, that would be kind of stupid," he agreed with a laugh. "Though I'd prefer that to just rest in peace, honestly."

As she gazed outside with a vague smile on her face, he realised she had done this on purpose, to make him feel better.

She hadn't just noticed the tiredness, she had picked up on the fact that he was still a little shaken by the events from last night.

"Thank you," he said whole-heartedly.

She glanced back at him momentarily. "You're welcome," she said easily.

They sat in silence for a bit as he slowly emptied the (indeed) horrid contents of his cup.

He realised he was wasting precious time with her. He should be asking things, making sure she'd talk. Yet, the silence didn't feel uncomfortable.

He realised that might be just it; he was at ease around her.

He shouldn't be at ease, yet he enjoyed it. He could be himself, mostly.

Besides, this was kind of a free day anyway.

He would keep up with her pace, instead of trying to set his own pace.

"I don't think you're socially awkward," he finally said absentmindedly after a while.

"Hmm?" he had shaken her up from her own train of thought and he smiled slightly as she tilted her head to the side a little.

"I don't think you're socially awkward," he repeated. "I think it's quite the contrary."

"Really?" she said, almost disbelievingly. "Well, in your defense, you've never seen me make a phone call."

"What do you mean?"

She rubbed the back of her neck as she made a face. "I hate phone calls. I don't like making them, I don't like receiving them either. Something about not being able to see the other person makes me feel really uncomfortable."

He used to think not being able to see the other person was an upside to phone calls, but it made sense from her point of view.

He was a liar in the beginning of all things and lying was much easier if your body language didn't give you away.

She was exceptionally well in reading body language, leaving her rather blinded in phone calls.

Nevertheless, it was a good note for his file; he shouldn't call her, then.

Not that it mattered much; he didn't have her phone number yet, anyway.

"I've never really thought about that before," he said thoughtfully.

"That's okay," she said, leaning back. "Say, do you always come to the library? On Wednesdays, I mean? I don't think I remember you from before."

"Yeah," he said, thinking rather fast as he should be careful now. "Well, I used to go to a different one, a little bit closer by home," he lied. "A friend said this one's better, so ever since, I've been here."

She nodded, more to herself than to him. "I see. Makes sense."

He smiled at her, hoping that was the last lie he'd ever have to tell her with a strange kind of passionate heat.

If he kept lying to her, he would lose that feeling of comfort around her. He wouldn't have to worry about complex structures of made-up stories if he was as honest as he could be.

She sighed, glancing at her watch. "Well, it's time to go for me. Will you be okay?"

"Yeah," he said, tracing the brim of his cup with his pinkie as she stood up. "See you next week?"

He dared it.

She had asked him about it to begin with, so he felt he could make an indirect proposal for a meet-up next week.

For a second, nervous jitters made it seem like her answer took a million years, but her expression relaxed into a warm smile. "See you next week."

"Great," he said, strangely exhilarated. "Looking forward to it."

"Yeah, me too," she said, almost shy as she didn't seem quite sure what to do. He just thought to himself that was rather endearing when she threw him off balance once more. "It's a date, then."

She had her hand extended to him, something different in her gaze.

How cunning of her, to make him decide whether she was joking or serious.

"It's a date," he agreed, deciding to go for a serious response, smirking slightly as his heart was pounding faster.

Her hand was warm, her fingers betraying the fact she was slightly nervous as they were trembling.

He was surprised; he wouldn't have guessed by the confident look on her face.

As she let go of his hand and exited the shop, he remained seated, dropping his head on the table again, smiling as he closed his eyes.

He wished today didn't have to end.

He knew that was a strange wish, coming from him, though he knew where it came from.

It came from the smaller part of him that was usually cut off from the outside world, the part that had strangely enough started to bond with the auburn haired woman.

It wouldn't see the light of day again until next week, so no wonder it wanted the Wednesday to be everlasting.

He could stay, just for a little while longer.

* * *

Wednesdays passed faster than he could blink with his eyes.

Strange; he was looking forward so much to those days yet they were over before he realized it.

He thought it was because the meet-ups felt comparable to normal people 'hanging out with their friends'.

It was the only thought that made the most sense, even though they were not friends, not for real, anyway.

No matter how it felt to her, he couldn't be her friend.

Even so, for once, he didn't mind to pretend they were.

It was now routine to go have drinks to close off their 'study session'.

For her, it was. He simply flipped a few pages once in a while, enjoying not having to worry about anything in particular.

Then, they would head out to a small pub and get a drink, chat for a bit and they'd walk to the station together, usually promising to meet up the following Wednesday.

Today was no different. Or so he thought, originally.

"So," she said to him, toying with her straw a little as he glanced up at her. "Do you have any plans for this weekend?"

He frowned a bit, slightly caught off guard as he had not expected that question.

He hadn't expected her to ask him out in the first place, but he realised with a jolt in his stomach that he might have settled too much in this slower pace.

How lazy.

He did have plans this weekend, as usual, but he could cancel some of them if he needed to.

If she asked for a real date herself, he could give her priority as a reward for that, couldn't he?

"No, all free," he said easily, tilting his head to the side, feigning ignorance. "Why?"

"Well," she said, smiling a little. "I wondered whether you wanted to join me at an 'after exams'-celebration party this Saturday."

"'After exams'-celebration?"

She hummed, raising her brow at him. "Yeah. It's pretty common, I think. It's a group of people from my study group organising an event to celebrate the end of exams. Pretty much what the name says, I think."

"I haven't heard you talk about it before, though," he said, pretty sure that was the case as he hadn't written it down in her file. "I'd love to go, anyway," he added quickly, as it might seem like he didn't want to go.

It was a bit against his rules to go to a group event, as he usually tried to isolate the woman he was working on, but nothing had been ordinary with her so far.

He was aware of the enlargement of the risk, which by now was just piling up on top of the huge risk he had already accepted at this stage, but he was sure he could isolate her on the party anyway.

Another risk, another challenge. Same old, at this point.

He would almost shake his head at his own behaviour.

He was getting reckless.

She gave him a bit of an apologetic look. "I didn't ask you last time," she said a bit sheepishly. "But it'll be fun, I think."

"Sure," he said easily, strangely proud that he had apparently gotten rid of all her intuitive distrust of him. "Just tell me where and what time and I'll be there."

She grinned at him. "Great. Oh, wait," she said, reaching in her bag. "Let's exchange numbers, then. I don't know all the details yet. I'm not part of the board, at least," she added in a mumble.

He couldn't believe his own luck as he saved her number on his phone.

Even so, he felt a bit sad doing so, strangely enough.

As if she had given him a sign to speed things up while he he had been simply enjoying the slower side of things.

He shook his head as discreetly as he could to clear up his head. He didn't want her to get suspicious now, after all.

He didn't even know why he was feeling that way, anyway.

That was probably the only downside to this bet so far; it was so out of routine that he felt he was stumbling in the dark.

It was enjoyable, he could agree on that much and he was still rather enthusiastic about his quest to conquer her heart because it would take skill, endurance, luck… yet, he couldn't place the strange waves of sadness.

Was it about losing her as his friend?

Ridiculous, he thought to himself.

He never was her friend in the first place.

* * *

 **Happy April and I wish all of you a very pleasant Easter. I know it's a bit early, but I'm not updating again in April, so there you go.**

 **Thank you to everyone who favorited this story and who put this story or me on their follow-alert. :)**

 **I'm really happy for everyone who made it this far (so far) and hope to see all of you in the next chapter in May :)**

 **Also, can I just say I'm really proud for completely nailing my New Years Resolution to update once a month? So far, at least, haha.**

 **Have a nice day!**

 **Sincerly,**

 **Your author.**


	5. Phase Three: Dating

**_Intuition  
_  
** _Chapter Three_

Phase Three:  
Dating

* * *

He had cancelled a date and a get-together that Saturday evening, so he was all free to spend time with her without having to worry about being on time for another date.

He had rushed through his two dates during the day too, almost eager for them to be over so he could go home and freshen up a little so he could meet up with her.

He had hurried so much that he was actually too early.

That was no problem, however, because she was already waiting for him just outside the small building, a grin on her face as she recognised him. "Hey. You made it."

"Of course," he said brightly. "Wouldn't want to miss this for the world."

He really wouldn't want to miss it. It was the first time someone had asked him out, after all, which was special in its own little way.

Usually he was the one to ask others out and he wasn't used to being on the other end.

He had to admit, it did flatter him, somewhat.

How stupid.

She led the way inside, waving at people as she passed them, greeting a couple of them or giving them a compliment, depending on what would get them to smile back at her.

She was _good_ at this, he realised, a bit amused.

No wonder all the alarm bells had gone off in her head in the first place.

She was rather social, which would prove to become a bit troublesome later, too.

Problems were just stacking up and she turned out to be more troubling than he had originally thought.

He would be all right, though.

He would take control sooner or later. For now, he let her be, following her.

To his surprise, she didn't join a smaller group of people like he had suspected her to do, which would be the safest option to do.

Instead, she paid for their drinks and stayed by his side.

"What?" she said defensively as he was grinning a little.

"Nothing," he said quickly, wiping the grin off his face. "I had expected you to mingle right away, that's all."

"What's the point of that?" she said, though she seemed a bit bashful. "I already know these guys and spend most of my time around them anyway."

"That's a good point," he said, smiling back at her. "So I'll agree with you this time. Just once can't hurt, right?"

She started to laugh, the sound contagious and he automatically grinned along. "Well, aren't I lucky? Thanks for coming, by the way," she added in a softer voice, barely audible over the sounds emitting from the speakers. "I really appreciate it."

"No problem," he said whole-heartedly. 

* * *

She was standing rather close to him, as the music was too loud to hear each other if they'd be a little further apart, but she didn't seem to be uncomfortable with the few inches he was away from her.

Before, she would definitely have cringed away from him, but she was allowing him to be a little closer now.

He felt almost... triumphant. All those afternoons, almost stolen from someone who lived a normal life instead, had really paid off after all.

Even so, he had misunderstood a bit when she had asked him to this group event.

He had originally thought she had done it to go on a 'safe' first date, meaning that she could hide whenever she deemed necessary in the crowd of friends that she felt comfortable around.

Yet, she hadn't left him alone for even one second. Not once.

There had been a few people who stopped by, touching her shoulder to catch her attention and say 'hi', but she seemed to make sure they would continue on their way.

She wanted this herself. She was the one to make sure this remained a date. He was impressed.

He couldn't help but think about their awful start and compare it to tonight; he was rather proud of himself, too, for having made her want to be in this situation with him.

He hadn't drunk a single drop of alcohol, yet he felt a bit intoxicated at that moment.

He was so used to leading the whole event that this almost felt surreal; he didn't even have to bother trying to keep up the conversation.

It went as it came, switching topics at a rapid, yet lazy pace, depending on whatever was on her mind or his.

They shared their thoughts about music, television series, politics, high school experiences, future, childhood memories, dog or cat preferences and about the guy in the corner who had confessed loudly to the girl standing next to him before puking all over her.

As the end of the evening neared, he became progressively unaware of who and what he was, forgetting what he was doing.

He felt how he imagined a normal guy would feel in this situation.

That had, surprisingly, one big downside. She was starting to get to him in an unexpected way.

He no longer felt relaxed because of the fact that he didn't need to take the lead as much anymore, he started to feel more anxious, more self-conscious about his words and actions.

Even though he had lost it somewhat, he hadn't lost it all.

He was still highly aware of her body language and had not forgotten what those tiny movements and postures meant.

He impulsively decided to test his luck a little bit further, swept up in the moment.

He reached forward, stroking a loose strand of her hair out of her face, lingering a bit on her cheek as he could barely believe what he had done. That he had done something like this, that he had dared to touch her.

Her skin was warm against his touch and his heart was drumming loudly against his ribcage, suddenly terrified he had made a mistake, having moved so quickly.

She let him, though.

A very tiny blush, barely noticeable in the lights of the small room, spread over her cheeks.

Trained as he was, however, he was able to pick it up and he could barely stop himself from grinning, though he wasn't quite sure _why exactly_ he felt so accomplished.

He remembered the challenge, which made the feeling even weirder, because he had been certain he would be able to get her to respond like this, it wasn't surprising at all that she did.

Even when he said goodbye to her that evening, and she leaned forward to press a very small kiss on his cheek, he felt a little surprised and strangely giddy at the same time, his cheek tingling pleasantly.

He just wasn't used to this type of woman, he figured as he walked home, still a bit dazed.

He always cornered the weaker ones, who allowed him to regulate everything.

He wondered about it; maybe he should try one like her more often if it felt this good to win her over.

He just might, though he highly doubted he'd find someone like her ever again.

Her type didn't come around too often, after all. 

* * *

After their first time 'going out', as he decided he would call it, he figured it was a good time to start asking her out himself.

Just to make sure that they were on the same page.

Even so, he felt strangely nervous the first time he asked her out on a proper 'date'.

She hadn't been as surprised as he had imagined her to be, which was a good sign.

It meant she really was comfortable with the direction their rather strange relationship was taking.

Well, he figured as he stared blindly at the girl's face in front of him, he was probably the only one who thought it to be strange.

To her, it was probably a rather normal friendship she liked to develop further. To him, however, it was completely different.

The girl with the bouncy brown curls kept talking, but he had become so distracted thinking about the auburn haired woman that he had lost track of what the girl was talking about.

It was bad, because it meant he wouldn't be able to write anything down in her file tonight.

He couldn't really care as much as he should, though.

He could always ask her to repeat that story again, because she would oblige gladly. Maybe a little too gladly.

He suppressed a sigh. _She_ could be chatty, too, yet he rarely got distracted when he was around her.

The only times he got distracted around her were the moments she caught him off guard.

Which she actually did pretty often, more often than he would've liked.

Even while he was distracted in her presence, though, he kept thinking of her.

It was getting out of hand; she was simply part of a bet to kill time. When did he start wanting to do that more often than doing his job properly?

"So, what do you think?" the girl named Selphie said as she gave him a shy look.

He snapped back into reality and gave her one of the smiles that he knew would work best. "I really enjoy listening to you, you know," he said evasively, in the lowest, reassuring tone he could muster.

In reality, he felt a bit panicked and put on the spot. "You have this way of storytelling… it's interesting."

She was flattered, though his response had been rather weak as he had not heard a single thing she had told him.

He wanted to be surprised at her readiness to accept his weak response, but he really couldn't care enough to feel more than a simple pang of relief. "O-oh, you really think so?" she said, still a bit flustered.

"Please continue," he said, faking another smile.

Selphie smiled rather bashfully, before she continued with whatever she had been talking about in the first place.

His mind immediately wandered off again.

He had other, more important things to think about.

Tonight, for example, seemed much more interesting to think about now.

* * *

"Oh, that's right," she said, her eyes trained on her feet as she was balancing on top of a thin wall next to the pond.

They had gone out for dinner (a little bit more fancy than the first time) and they were walking to the bus station.

He had really wanted to have gone all out tonight: he had more than enough money to do so.

He didn't want to make her suspicious again, and after tonight, he had to admit (even if it was only in the deepest parts of his soul) that this was nice in its own way, too.

"Did I already thank you for taking me out?"

"Just about… twice, or something like that?" he said with a chuckle as he stuffed his hands in his pockets, glancing up at her a little. "You won't come down?"

"Absolutely not," she said with a wide grin. "This wall challenged me and I have to beat it."

He rolled his eyes, though it made him smile in a rather bittersweet way.

He knew she was joking, but in a way she wasn't. She was very competitive in her nature, he had found out and he was the same way, after all. "If you fall in, I'm not going to get you out."

"Pity," she said as she jumped off the edge to stand beside him. "I thought that would be super romantic if you would jump in after me to save me."

"You can't swim?"

She smirked a bit as she linked her arm with his. "Oh, I can. I could pretend to drown, though."

He laughed, a strange but pleasant warmth coursing through him as she was so close to him, her warmth coming through the fabric of his shirt. "Would you go that far, though?"

"Good question," she said thoughtfully. "I don't think so, in the end. There are other ways and it's a little bit too cold to become drenched right now."

"Other ways?" he said amusedly. "What kind of ways are you talking about? You've made me curious."

She shrugged a little, smiling up at him. "I'm afraid I can't tell you that. Wouldn't want you to see through me, would I? It might not work if I told you and I really can't risk that."

She had made him feel unbalanced for such a long time that it felt kind of odd to have her make him feel confident. "Oh, is that it?"

They had already arrived at the bus station she had to get on.

He would simply walk home; he had other plans this evening and he felt a little bit disheartened that their date had gone by so fast.

He really felt reluctant having to go back to his usual evening routine.

"You know," she said, her gaze ahead of them, at the headlights of the arriving bus. "I really had fun tonight."

"Me too," he said, smiling at her.

She turned to him, a slight blush on her cheeks though the look in her eyes was fierce. "I really like you."

His heart was thundering in his ears as he processed her bold statement.

In any other situation, he would've been prepared, he would've had his smooth lines ready to go.

In this situation...

well...

he had nothing but whatever bubbled up inside of him at her words.

"I-I really l-like you, too," he stammered.

He hadn't stammered in _years_ and he wanted to slam his head against the glass case surrounding the public transport map.

Stupid. Stupid! _Stupid_!

She smiled a little bashfully. "I'll see you soon, then?"

"Yeah," he said before she leant in to press another kiss on his cheek as the bus arrived.

He watched her get in, waving back as she waved him goodbye. As the bus drove off, he slid a hand over his face, letting out a frustrated groan.

"What the hell is _wrong_ with me?" he mumbled angrily at himself. "Get it together, _idiot_."

* * *

He had first thought to inform Vanitas whenever he would start dating Kairi, but he had decided against it now the time had come.

For some reason, the dates turned out to be a guilty pleasure of him.

He liked them more than he would ever admit to anyone else but her.

When he had said he liked her, too, he had not been lying.

He really did like Kairi. He liked the fact that she was different, that she was challenging him on other levels, but he liked her as a person, too.

If things had been different... well, they weren't. Things were as they were.

Even so, it had been two weeks since he had last seen her.

He had scolded himself for always putting her above his other activities and he was now at a point where he really couldn't postpone other dates and patrol rounds anymore.

He was quite busy making up for his lousy attendance from before and had not been able to meet up with her in the meantime.

They had contact over the phone, though, and she didn't really mind.

He had told her he was very busy (which he was, he just didn't tell her with what) and she had understood; she was quite busy herself too as she was writing her thesis.

It was perfect: she still liked him, she understood that they couldn't meet up and was busy with her study, leaving her no room to find someone else.

Yet, he was strangely… _anxious_ … about her.

He _wanted_ to see her again.

If he hadn't known better, he could've thought he had actually _missed_ her…

What a silly thought, he thought amusedly as he put away Olette's file.

Even so, he hesitated picking up the next file.

His eye had fallen on _her_ file, resting in the corner of his desk.

Her file never left that particular spot, surprisingly accurately visualising how she was always on his mind.

He _couldn't_ miss her, could he? 

* * *

He was on edge and had finally caved in after three weeks of not seeing her.

Three weeks without contact was a lot in this phase, anyway.

He _had_ to see her.

He was pacing at the bus stop to distract himself, counting the tiles as he went over them.

One. Two. Three. Four. What would he say when she would get out?

Five. Six. Seven. Eight. What would she say? Had she missed him, too?

Nine. Ten. _Too?_ He wouldn't say he had _missed_ her. Absolutely not.

Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Fourteen. He glanced at his watch. The bus was still not there.

Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen...

Then, finally, the sound of a bus approaching caught his attention.

He forced himself not to crane his neck to see whether she had arrived or not, but she made it easy for him.

" _Hey_!"

She had bolted out of the bus and he barely had time to say anything back at all because she had taken his face in her hands and pressed her lips up against his in a rather determined kiss, standing on her tiptoes.

 _Oh_.

So he had missed her, after all.

There was no denying that now as he slowly eased underneath her touch.

He kissed her back, strangely overwhelmed by the realization, even though kissing was as much routine to him as picking up women.

There was something different about it, as expected of her.

He was flabbergasted at the realisation that he had missed her.

He had _missed_ her. _He_ , of all people, had _missed_ someone.

He was impressed, once again.

Before he could take the lead, she leaned back, a shy look on her face.

"Er… sorry," she said a bit awkwardly. "I… got kinda excited there for a bit."

"I noticed," he said, for some reason a bit out of breath, though he couldn't help but smile back at her bashful expression. "Hi, by the way."

She giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck. "It's good to see you again, though. I missed you."

"I missed you too," he said, hearing his own surprise in his voice.

"Sorry, did I startle you?" she said, though her smile had turned a bit devious as she leant away to look at him.

"A little," he admitted as he grinned back at her. "More pleasantly surprised, I guess."

Her smile softened. "Good. So… er… you don't mind me doing it again? I mean, I _kinda_ figured you were my boyfriend, to begin with."

"Am I?" he said rather bewilderedly.

Again, she had taken a shortcut on their destined path and gone so fast he could barely keep up with her.

They had never really spoken about any of that prior to today and she caught him by surprise once more.

" _Aren't_ you?" she asked a bit hesitantly.

He thought about it for a split second. "I'd like to be," he replied with a grin. "So, if you don't mind," he added slowly, leaning in and waiting just a little while for her approval.

If he was already her boyfriend, he would start taking advantage of that title right away.

She smiled, shaking her head a little. "I don't mind," she said softly, before closing the gap for him.

He had never particularly disliked or liked intimacy.

He was quite sure this was the first time he really thought kissing to be enjoyable, more than that, even.

He didn't even try to get anywhere with it, just the feeling of her lips gently moving over his was more than enough for him.

He had _missed_ her. He liked _kissing_ her.

He was no longer in control.

It was okay, though.

He could allow himself to enjoy this for a bit before he would get back to business, couldn't he?

It wasn't that big of a deal, he probably would bore of this soon enough.

She broke away to exhale a shaky breath, but he chased her lips, his fingers trembling as he cupped her face in his hands to lift her face back to him.

 _Not yet.  
_  
Just a little while longer… if this ended now, he would have to face himself one way or another.

He didn't want it to end yet.

His heart was racing and his skin burned, but it _couldn't_ end yet.

He would return to being in control after this; for now he wanted to remain in this daze that tasted a lot like her, like strawberries and the Summer sun.

A little bit more of this couldn't hurt, could it?

Just a little while longer...

* * *

 **Author's note:**

 **Happy May, everyone! It's been a while, but I hope your month has been amazing so far :)**

 **Things are speeding up a little bit, which may or may not have been a good idea. I've been debating with myself for quite some time about the pace, but I think this is best.**

 **This story needs a bit of speed, after all, and some progression can't hurt too many.**

 **Thanks so much for everyone who follows this story. I really appreciate you :)**

 **I hope you're all having an absolutely amazing day and I'll talk to you next month!**

 **Lots of love,**

 **PrincessM**


	6. Phase Four: Intimacy

**Intuition**

* * *

 _Chapter Four_

Phase Four:  
Intimacy

* * *

He was restless.

He kept opening her file and closing it.

There was nothing new to write in there, that was not it.

He didn't need to memorize because he knew everything that was in her file.

He knew everything, yet he knew nothing at all.

It frustrated him.

 _Why_ did he enjoy her company so much?

Originally, he had thought he might've wanted her as a friend.

What a _joke_.

What kind of friend would allow him to kiss her like that?!

That was not friendship. Then, _what_ was it?

"Damnit!" he exclaimed, throwing his pencil case at the opposite wall of his desk, breathing heavily.

He hated this, not knowing what was going on.

That was exactly the point, he thought moodily as he stood up to pace around.

 _Control_ , he was always in control.

He always knew what to say, what to wear, what to talk about.

He knew where to touch, where to hold, where to kiss.

The reason why he never really disliked or liked intimacy was because to him, it was more of a... business transaction.

Pleasing the opposite party so he could progress.

Progress so he could have them make money for him.

What kind of person would get a high out of a freaking business transaction?

He didn't.

Then _why_ did he enjoy intimacy with her so much?

He was supposed to go all the way, especially with how willing she had been.

Why hadn't he?

All he had done was just kiss her, and again, and again until her lips were slightly swollen and reddish and he was out of breath.

It had not even been a make-out session, either!

He had barely touched anywhere else but her face and waist... _Why_?!

Your average high schooler would've gotten further than he had gone.

He felt his eye twitch as he caught sight of himself in the mirror.

He barely recognized himself anymore... what was going on?!

Where had he lost it?

Could he reset, like a machine? No, he wouldn't be able to reset. If he did, he'd lose her. He'd lose the bet.

 _Right, the bet._

He took a deep breath.

He was so close to winning, too.

It must have been because he had worked so hard to get where he was.

Crossing his arms, he started to pace again, slower, this time.

It was because he had worked so hard; rushing it would be a waste of time.

He had gotten from the absolute lowest point, in which she would climb through a narrow window to escape, to the point where he could gently push her up against the wall, trap her in between the wall and his body and just kiss her.

Every kiss, no matter how insignificant, had suddenly gotten meaning because he had to figure everything out from scratch.

He nodded no himself, relieved.

 _That made sense._

He got back behind his desk, opening her file for the last time that day.

Well, he had enjoyed it, that was clear.

He had enjoyed the lazy afternoon just kissing her thoroughly.

Now, however, it was time for the next phase.

Even so, as he gazed at her picture again, he wheeled his chair backwards to pick up his pencil case.

He opened it as he wheeled himself back, grabbing a pencil as he set down the case on his desk.

As neatly as he could, he scribbled something on the empty space just below her 'like and dislike' list.

 _Strawberries._

He put down his pencil and stared at the word.

It seemed silly as he had written it down.

Yet, as he put his hands on his cheeks, he could feel them warm up at the sheer thought of the implication of the word.

It was almost a gentle reminder for himself, a soft inner-nudge.

If he had enjoyed just kissing her so much…

What would she _feel_ like? 

* * *

He suppressed a sigh as the girl bashfully leaned closer to him in the theatre.

He had _really_ wanted to see this movie, but apparently the girl next to him had no interest in it whatsoever.

Well, fine. Whatever. Work was work, after all.

He tried shifting so that she would be able to reach him though he could keep an eye on the screen as well.

He would have to bet on it that the girl kept her eyes closed.

His lips brushed over hers, her eyes closed, thankfully.

He lazily moved his lips over hers, testing whether she would want him to continue or not.

He started with the cautious hand on her cheek.

She seemed to have no objections so he slid his hand down her cheek to her neck.

She didn't protest and he shifted a little bit more to have her more in reach.

It was harder to watch the movie like this and he couldn't help but be a bit annoyed.

Besides, why was he doing all of the work, he thought as he brushed past her chest with his hand.

 _She_ was not this passive—

His cheeks burned and he automatically leaned back, startled by the sudden rush of excitement coursing through him, pressing the back of his hand against his mouth as he stared at the startled girl in front of him.

"Sorry," she whispered a bit panicked. "Did I do something wrong?"

Everything was wrong, yet he managed to shake his head. "Nah… it's just—"

Why was he thinking of _her_ now?

He shook his head again, taking a deep breath, startled as the girl suddenly giggled a little bit. "Aww, you're blushing," she remarked softly as she reached out to touch his cheek. "How cute."

He refrained from scowling at the girl; he didn't want to be made aware of that fact and he gave up on the movie completely.

This was his job, for Pete's sake.

No more distractions.

No more distractions, no more thoughts about… _her._

He took a deep breath and leaned in again, this time a little bit more aggressively, moving his hand under her shirt, brushing past her stomach as he went up, waiting carefully for any sign of discomfort.

There was a just slight jolt - which was familiar as this was a first for most girls he took under his wing - as his thumb brushed over the skin of her breast, but no protest whatsoever.

Good, all according to plan. Now he had to—

How would _she_ react?

Would _she_ tug at his hair?

Would _she_ gasp?

Where would _she_ touch him?

He breathed deeply in through his nose as he moved a bit closer, his heart thundering against his ribcage.

He _had_ to know; how would _her_ skin feel to his touch?

Almost desperately, he deepened the kiss, he _needed_ to taste her again, it was—

The crush of disappointment that followed made him back away again, though a bit slower.

This wasn't _her_.

This was just a very flustered looking girl, who was gasping for air.

"Sorry," he said, a bit curt.

 _How had he forgotten_?!

"No, — s'okay," the girl muttered, hiding her red cheeks with her hands.

 _Vanilla_.

He was disgusted by himself. He didn't touch her again that evening, but neither could he focus on the movie.

No matter. He'd come again next time, with the right person.

* * *

The next time, however, he ended up not touching her at all.

The upside to that was, of course, that he got to watch the movie instead.

"So, what did you think?" she asked him as they stood in line to exit the theater.

"It was good," he said earnestly. "Thanks for coming, I really wanted to see it, but to see it by myself is a bit pathetic."

She smiled as she intertwined her fingers with his when they walked through the gates of the theater, the air outside cold to their warm skin. "You're very welcome, I am glad you enjoyed yourself."

He flashed her a crooked smile. "I was lucky I could borrow a car for tonight, anyway. Otherwise, you'd have been in trouble with the last bus."

She grinned. "You're lucky you can borrow a car so easily. My brother always hoards my dad's car," she added in a complaint as they neared his car. "I mean, I could've driven tonight, too, but nooo, he gets to have dad's car again, the lousy bastard."

He laughed as he got behind the wheel. "You can drive back if you'd like. I'm more than willing to let you borrow the car for now."

She smiled at him. "That's okay. I trust you enough to know you won't drive me up against a tree."

"I'm honored," he said, holding in a laugh.

"You know," she slowly said, shifting a little in her seat as she gazed warmly at him. "You really wanted to see that movie, huh?"

He blinked twice in confusion. "Yeah. Why do you—?"

She, however, had moved forward, her slender fingers closing around his tie as she pulled him towards her.

He kinda figured why she had asked now, though.

His heart skipped a beat as she pressed her lips against his rather heatedly, his eyes widening at the sudden contact.

He regained his composure a second later; well, _composure_ … he wasn't sure what he had regained.

He gasped for air, his body almost moving on instinct as he reached forward.

One hand got tangled in her hair, keeping her face close to him as the other hand landed on the headrest of her seat for support.

Again, there was no need for testing how far she would allow him to go: she was so enthusiastic that he almost began to wonder how long _she_ had been holding back.

She had her right leg wrapped around his waist, one hand on his lower back and the other one firmly locked in his hair.

He barely heard the soft sound she made in the back of her throat as he moved his hand underneath her shirt over the sound of his own heartbeat, but he heard anyway.

The sound did something strange to him. He could almost feel his heart... tremble.

He moved away to swallow thickly, withdrawing his hand.

He wasn't sure what was happening and he was breathing heavily as she gave him a concerned look. "Roxas?"

Why was he hesitating?

"I—Are you… are you sure you—?"

She smiled, her cheeks a bit flushed as she reached up to cup his face in her hands. "If you're afraid I'm going to do another runner on you, you'd better lock the car."

"I lost the key when you, well, attacked me," he whispered a bit sheepishly.

She laughed, pressing a kiss on his cheek. "Tough luck. You'd better keep me occupied, then."

 _Oh, he would_ ; he had never before felt the same amount of adrenaline course through his veins and never before had he been this eager, either.

She was so soft and so warm as he let his hands roam over her arms, her back, her stomach, her legs, her breasts, her hips, her waist.

The way she moved against him whenever he touched her in a certain way, the way she tugged at his hair whenever he did something she really liked… he was losing it again, he lost to her once more.

He didn't mind; all he wanted to do was to have her, to take it further…

And yet, he didn't.

She shivered as he brushed past a very sensitive spot and he stopped to look at her.

She was flustered; her cheeks were as red as her hair, her indigo eyes half-lidded as she watched him, too.

Her chest was raising and falling with every breath she was taking, her lips a reddish shade and slightly swollen.

Her hands slid down over his hair to brush past his neck and he shuddered.

He wanted to sleep with her.

Not for his job, not for the bet.

 _He_ wanted to sleep with her.

There was no reason why he wouldn't be able to; she gave him a smile as she waited for him to make a decision or a move.

 _She deserves better_.

The thought startled him and he wasn't quite sure what he himself had meant with it while thinking it.

No, he knew, he thought he did.

This had already been… mind-blowing, in a way. Surprisingly enough.

It would be a waste to rush through the best experience of all.

Besides, even though she wasn't protesting, this wasn't the most comfortable place of all.

He slowly backed away and she sat up, too.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice hoarse beyond recognition. "I just…"

"No, it's okay," she said quietly, her voice a bit raw, too, the sound sending pleasant tremors over his skin as she leaned closer to gently kiss the corner of his mouth. "No need to rush."

He wrapped his arms around her in a rather tender movement that surprised himself.

She nuzzled close to him, too, and he could feel her lips move against the skin in his neck. He could barely hear the sound, but what she said was clear to him as if she had shouted it out loud.

"I love you."

 _You deserve better._

* * *

"Good call of you to stay home tonight," she said, glancing at the heavy rain outside.

He stirred his hot cocoa, feeling strangely relaxed.

Usually, when he invited someone (female) over to his place, it was meant to be a huge step forward in the process.

After all, it usually meant that he would sleep with them for the first time and he would register them as his 'project' at the office of his father.

Anyone who was registered would never be able to get out of their system, though he rarely let girls go after the first phase anyway.

Being greeted by him was usually already the moment they were trapped.

With her, however, he still didn't really care about registering her as quickly as possible.

If it didn't happen tonight, it would surely happen within a couple of weeks, he was sure of that.

She was more than willing and he was enjoying whatever he could get in the meantime.

Even so, he had expected to have grown bored already.

His interest hadn't wavered yet, though. How strange.

"Yeah, I didn't really feel like walking down the entire plaza," he said, leaning back against his couch.

"This is fine too. Besides, I can get to see your apartment as well," she sighed rather contently as she took a sip and rested against him a little, smiling up at him. "So, what did you want to do?"

"I hadn't really planned anything past the hot chocolate," he said, which was the honest truth. Well, he had some ideas, naturally, but nothing set in stone. "So anything you want, really."

"That's a lot of responsibility," she said teasingly as she glanced up at him. "You won't dump me if I make the wrong decision here?"

He grinned at her. "Depends on what you choose. No pressure, of course."

She laughed, nuzzling her head against his shoulder. "Let me think, then. The safest option here is to watch a movie," she started thoughtfully. "But I don't have anything I want to watch… you?"

He had a never-ending list of movies he didn't mind watching.

With amusement, he had to agree with her that movies were the safest option because it required no talking and it could be perfect for physical moves.

Nevertheless, he was curious about what else she had in store for him. Besides, he had just watched the last movie he really wanted to see two weeks ago with her, anyway.

"Nothing at the moment," he said, strangely aware of the heat emitting from his shoulder, where she had rested her head. "What else have you got?"

"Would you dump _and_ murder me if I suggested a board game?"

He nearly choked on his drink as he burst out in laughter. "Why would I do _that_?"

"I've been with a guy who absolutely _loathed_ board games," she said defensively. "He looked at me as if I had suggested to boil ourselves to death for fun, I swear."

"With what kind of guys have you been?" he said, rather intrigued and vaguely tense as he realized she might have had more experience than he had thought.

He couldn't put his finger on the swirling, burning feeling that the thought had caused. He tried to imagine someone else next to her, but it only… pissed him off.

She laughed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Well, in his defense, he was a pretty nice guy. He just hated board games, that was all."

"The fatal flaw, though?" he added, smirking slightly.

The guy couldn't have been all that great, anyway.

Besides, she emphasized 'guy', not responding to his mention of multiple ones.

It couldn't have been that serious, either.

He relaxed, running a hand through her auburn hair thoughtfully. Nothing to worry about.

Wait. Why was he worried about it in the first place?

She grinned. "Maybe not the fatal one, but that was a huge turn-off, yes."

"Then I'd better see if I still have some around," he said, genuinely worried a bit that he might have thrown all of those out.

The last time he played had been with Sora, after all, which had been years ago.

Luckily he did still have a few, so he came back victorious, to which she responded with so much joy that he couldn't help himself but laugh too.

He didn't sleep with her that night, after all.

* * *

He opened her file, finding himself staring at her picture again.

Never before had he ever been so conflicted before about a girl.

It was his job to seduce women and to get them into prostitution while profiting off them, for Heaven's sake.

He had dealt with emotional luggage a long time ago, as his father had instructed.

What was it with her that made dealing with her such a different case?

There was, of course, that intuitive thing of hers, which made it impossible to approach her from his usual angle.

Other than that, though, everything else was pretty much the same, except… slower.

Yet, he wanted to keep it so slow himself. She had given him enough signs that she was ready to progress, ready to take things to another level, yet he kept taking a step back, lingering in a safe zone of… dating?

He never dated long. Or rather, he did 'date' for quite some time, but usually the girl's were already highly dependant on him after a few months or so, which made it easier to push them beyond their boundaries.

In the time he had spent with Kairi, he had already gone full circle with three other girls, while maintaining the rest of them.

Why couldn't he move forward with _her_?

Why couldn't he just force himself to sleep with her?

In comparison to the others, he actually wanted to do so much more than usually, so what was the problem?

He didn't understand himself anymore.

Even so, as he gazed at her smile in the picture, there was something about her, something he didn't fully comprehend, that he wanted to _protect_.

He knew what his job did to women, he saw the aftermath of it every single day.

Knowing that he'd wreck that smile forever… it somehow got to him.

He took a deep breath and closed her file.

He was so close, had poured so much energy in that woman… he couldn't give up now.

He couldn't lose because she was so much more, could be so much more.

She should've listened to her own intuition better, he thought bitterly to himself.

It was her fault for deciding to trust him.

Even as he thought it, in his heart, he knew he was lying.

It was his fault, all along, and it bothered him more than he would admit.

He had to finish what he started, no matter how foul things would get.

* * *

His head was swirling and he was still hesitating. He tried to force himself to move, but he wouldn't move.

 _Move!  
_  
Even _she_ was growing impatient, moving up a bit to force his head down so she could trail kisses down his neck.

The butterfly touches set his skin on fire and he could feel his heart thump somewhere in his nether regions.

He tilted his head to the side, allowing her to move closer to him as he was breathing hard, shivering at the warmth of her skin moving against his.

She wrapped her legs around his waist, gently pulling him down on top of her and he wanted it so, _so bad_.

 _Move!_

 _She deserves better._

 _Move!_

 _I want to protect you._

 _Move!_

"Roxas!"

His name was, unexpectedly, his cue to move.

He had, never before, heard a girl say his name in this situation before; he had never been 'himself' in those cases.

The effect it had on him was strangely powerful.

He groaned in response, moving his hands to her hips as he thrusted forward.

 _I want to protect you._

She leaned her head back and he pressed his lips against the nape of her neck, thrusting accordingly to the little gasps and moans she was producing.

He had never had someone as vocal as she was and he wanted to hear it again; his name on her lips.

 _She deserves better._

Her nails were digging into the skin of his back and his thrusts became a little bit more desperate.

Little beads of sweat formed on his forehead as he reveled in this familiar, yet strangely new sensation that left small shivers of pleasure running up and down his spine, following the movements her hands were making.

 _I want to protect you._

" _Roxas_!"

There it was again, his name. It left him feeling powerful and vulnerable at the same time. "Please!"

He let go of her hips, clenching the railing at the head of his bed instead as he tried to think about anything— something — that would make him last.

He had never encountered this kind of problem before, but if she kept breathing out his name like that, he'd— he'd…

" _Kairi_."

It had slipped out before he could bite his tongue.

Her hands were tight fists in his hair as he kept moving against her, almost greedily, forcing her to cry out his name again and again.

It was the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard and the raspier her voice got, the more intense the shudders through his body became.

He was so close and judging by how tight she felt around him, she was almost there too.

" ** _Roxas_**!"

 _I love you._

He stilled as she became incredibly tense around him, shaking a little as she climaxed.

He stared at the wall without seeing anything; all he felt was her around him, her scent in his nose, her taste on his tongue, her shaky breaths in his ear.

 _I love you_.

He gently lowered himself on top of her, almost dazed, stroking wet auburn strands of hair out of her face as they were both catching their breaths, her hands slowly moving up and down his back in the gentlest, most calming sensation he had ever felt.

He drowned in her indigo eyes and suddenly he realized, as he could feel her chest rise and fall against his, that he had made a terrible mistake in becoming intimate with her.  
 _  
 **I love you.**_

* * *

 **Author's note:**

 **Happy June! Summer is almost here, woohoo!**

 **So, er, wow, yeah, this was quite a journey, haha. It's, quite ironically, my first time writing such a scene.**

 **I hope you liked it, as always :) Feel free to leave a review, to give me feedback, anything.**

 **Thank you to those who have followed this so far, I really appreciate it.**

 **Oh, by the way, some things might feel repetitive, but that's the point of it. Poor Roxas (even though I wonder whether you can call him 'poor') has gone through quite a lot and for someone who has closed off his emotions for so long, this is quite a startle. It takes some time adjusting to it.**

 **Lots of love, and until next month,**

 **Your author**


	7. Phase : Crumpled Piece of Paper

**Intuition**

* * *

 _Chapter Five_

Phase ... :  
Crumpled Piece of Paper in the Bin

* * *

 _This is a mistake._

He ran his hand down her arm and then back up to her shoulder.

Her slim fingers were sprawled out on his chest, her head resting against his side.

He was on his back, one arm folded behind his head.

He felt weird, almost dizzy, as he looked down at the woman at his side, her soft breathing calm and constant, completely unaware of how unfair life would turn out to be.

 _Don't think about that._

Her eyelashes were creating shadows on her cheeks, her pink lips slightly swollen after he had spent a good amount of the night kissing her.

 _Don't think about that either._

She had worked backwards on so many things; he really had to figure things out all over again with her.

Even though he had gotten used to it, it still made him feel vulnerable.

He had won the bet in doing so, at least.

Surprisingly enough, contrary to what he thought before, he didn't feel good about it, at all, not even slightly victorious.

 _Why aren't I happy about winning?_

She murmured something in her sleep, nuzzling her face against his chest.

He tucked her in a bit better, so she wouldn't catch a cold. He thought he had felt a soft shudder run over her bare skin.

 _This is a mistake._

It was a mistake, it truly was. He was done for.

He truly had made a mistake in becoming intimate with her.

Before, all he did was guessing. Guessing and testing things out in the dark.

He knew nothing for sure and yet he had thought he knew everything.

Now the lights were turned on and he knew exactly _why_ he wasn't happy about winning the stupid bet and _why_ he had been so confused all the time.

Maybe ignorance was bliss, after all.

He had succeeded in stealing her heart, which he had anticipated, which he had planned so carefully.

She had come to trust him, to love him somewhere along the way, all according to plan.  
 _  
_Still, as he was turning to her, taunting her as he twirled her fragile heart around his fingers with a smirk, she returned his taunt with one of her brightest smiles, holding his heart in her hands.

Yes, she had allowed him to get close to her, though she had gotten away with stealing his heart without him really noticing as he was so focused on trying to get her to trust him fully.

He, the best in what he did, had fallen for the first time.

He had fallen hard.

He froze in place as he realised what the... falling implicated, panic striking him like lightning.

 _Don't think about it. Don't think about it!_

He could see why he had fallen, now that it had become a fact in the hazy moonlight coming through the curtains; she was just… too… loveable.

He finally had answers to the reason why he felt so strange about dealing with her and the fact that this unbelievable woman somehow belonged to him was mind blowing.

Still… he knew what he had to do. He knew what he had to do to her.

The thought physically hurt and he cringed at it, taking a sharp inhale of air.

 _I can't do it._

That was an understatement; he really couldn't do this anymore.

He couldn't break her as he would tear himself apart just the same.

Just the thought of her strong, fierce gaze being empty and shallow, her body abused and broken, her bright spirit being dependent on substances, those the only thing that would bind her to him made him nauseous and his heart constrict as if it was pierced with ice.

He had never really cared for all the women he had put through it; it was his _job_.

She, however, wasn't part of that job to him, not anymore.

The bet had backfired on him in a way he had never deemed to be slightly possible.

He wanted to keep her to himself, though he was clearly undeserving of someone like her.

Oh, he was selfish enough, though, to pursue her. She would never, ever find out what he was.

He felt rather… relieved now he had decided.

He wouldn't register her, he wouldn't have to break her. Instead, he would get to keep her.

He would, of all things, keep her safe from harm.

Even though the day would never come, he would try to become someone worthy of her love. Somewhat, at least.

The only good thing he would have done in his life was to not take hers away.

* * *

He couldn't concentrate.

He had decided he wouldn't register Kairi. That was a given.

When he started, he had really tried, but he simply couldn't do it anymore, especially not after last night.

He had also decided that he would try and keep her safe from now on. Another given.

Even so, now that he wasn't as hazy with euphoria anymore, he wondered how _exactly_ that would turn out.

How the heck would _he_ keep her safe?! _Him_ , of all people?

The only thing that could cause harm to her was him, after all.

Even if _he_ didn't pose a threat anymore, the world he lived in was quite dangerous.

So, wouldn't that mean, in order to keep her safe, he would have to sever ties with her?

The thought of him never being able to see her again made him feel as nauseous as the thought of her in the brothel.

He must've made a face at the unexpected frozen grasp around his heart at the thought of never seeing her again because a rather concerned voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Are you all right?"

"Y-yeah," he said, now painfully aware that he was slipping up as he glanced up at Selphie's worried expression.

He didn't necessarily _like_ her much, but he preferred her these days because her talkative nature allowed him to think about things he usually didn't have the time for.

Even so, she had caught his shift in expression and he cursed himself for being so out of it.

 _Focus!  
_  
"Sorry, what were you saying?"

"You don't have to force yourself to be with me if you don't feel well," she said, shaking her head.

"No, I'm all right," he said, a bit more forcefully as he straightened himself, faking a smile. "Sorry."

She smiled back, slightly hesitant. "So… er… I was saying-"

He almost sighed in relief as he slumped back in his seat again, watching her lips form words he started to tune out right away.

This was not like him, to be shaken up like this.

He was supposed to be on guard and never before had he been so cautious in dealing with a woman.

How had this happened?

How had he allowed himself to be caught so easily while he should've been as sharp as ever?

He hummed and nodded at times, to make it seem like he was listening as he pondered about when exactly he had unconsciously stumbled and fallen for the auburn haired woman.

Well, it didn't really matter much anymore.

The question he should be asking was what he was supposed to do now.

The strong desire to pursue her, to keep her, was still there, just as strong as it had been last night.

Could it really be that easy? Having her as his girlfriend and continue with his job?

He smiled a bit as he knew it would never work out like that.

He knew Kairi well enough to know that she wanted to achieve something in her life.

She wanted more out of life than he could give her right now.

If only he had been able to give up on her, really sever his ties with her, she might be able to find someone who was suitable for her.

Someone who didn't live a double life, someone she could depend on.

Surely, they would get married, settle down, have a couple of kids and it would be absolutely great.

His smile turned a bit sour.

He would absolutely despise the guy, no matter how _good_ or ' _pure_ ' he was, no, he would loathe the fucker to the point where he wouldn't even hesitate to pull the trigger if he had the chance, if he had the choice.

There were few things that he wanted in this life.

As long as he had a couple of friends, a job, a good amount of money to live with, he was pretty much all right, but even if it wasn't, he would get by.

Now she had come along, he suddenly wanted something so desperately that it took his breath away.

No one had the right to have her but him.

They could have everything, they could take everything away from him, but they couldn't have her.

Even so, if he didn't change anything, he would end up making her miserable.

Not as miserable as she would've been if he had registered her, but not necessarily happy in the very least.

So he had the one she could depend on, no matter how unworthy he was.

 _Could he do it?_

He felt quite determined again, slightly to his surprise.

He had never imagined himself to be the 'good citizen', or even play a slight part of it, but if it was what made her happy, he would play it the best he could.

He was willing to live a complicated life if it would make her happy.

He'd live two lives as best he could, unable to give either one up.

* * *

" _You_!" the raven-haired woman spat at him, pointing a shaking, accusing finger at him. "You're late! _Again_!"

"Yeah, _yeah_ ," he said, pushing the door shut with his foot after the slightly nervous male had left.

He didn't know who was worse: he himself or the guys who pretended to be good guys even though they clearly knew something was wrong.

Xion obviously looked too young to be in this kind of scene out of her own free will and this brothel didn't have a very plausible legal reputation either to justify their visits. "Does it matter?"

"A whole lot," she snarled. "You got the stuff?"

He reached into his pocket and tossed her a small, plastic bag with white powder.

She caught it, eyeing it rather critically. "It's less than last time," she said crossly, highly disappointed.

"Don't use up so much in such a short amount of time, then," he snapped at her. "It's not as if I can buy it in the nearest grocery store, you know."

She huffed as he crossed the room to the small, dusty vase where she kept her earnings.

He took out all of it, counting a little when he saw something in the corner of his eye.

 _This again.  
_  
He reached **out** on instinct, catching her wrist in his hand and turning it slightly so she would cease her attack as he put her money in his empty pocket with his free hand.

"Don't do something stupid," he said to her, raising a brow.

She cursed, her arm trembling under his grip, her expression bitter as another of her attacks had failed.

He usually would lash out at her to make sure he would beat any form of rebellion out of her before it got to a point where she would actually try and kill him.

Even so, as he prepared to strike, the black hair turned to an auburn shade, the feverish fire in the blue eyes turning into the familiar indigo and his heart stopped as he thought for a second that the girl in front of him was Kairi.

He let her go, almost alarmed, taking a step back, bumping into the cabinet behind him as he gazed at the girl with wide eyes.

 _ **Not her!**_

The girl shook her strained arm a little and as he blinked, he almost breathed out in relief as it was still very clearly Xion, who raised her brow at him. "What _happened_ to you?"

He straightened himself, stuffing his shaking hands in his pockets. "Nothing," he said stiffly as he crossed the room to the door. "You're just lucky I'm in a good mood today."

"Tch. As if," Xion said quietly as she sat down on the bed again, opening the small package of white powder. "You look like you've seen a ghost. Bad conscience?"

He glared at her. "Shut up."

"Yeah," she said, grinning now. "You're going to hell anyway. You had no soul to begin with," she continued as her smile turned sour. "Oh, I see. That means you must've lost your heart. Who knew even someone like you had one in the first place."

He froze a little, opening his mouth to say something, _anything_ , but closed it as nothing came.

She rolled her eyes before she shook out some of the powder into a neat line on her leg. "Well, I hope she tramples on it, tears it to shreds and forces it down your throat, asshole."

" _Lovely_ ," he said, having regained his voice as her hard words irritated him somewhat and snapping him out of it, though he usually ignored everything she said.

Her words were usually right, for the most part, anyway.

This was the first time he so badly wished she was wrong that it made him angry that she was still right.

"How about I send up your next client instead? If you keep making less and less, I think I'll stop swinging by, you know. It's not worth the trouble if this continues."

He almost felt triumphant as her blue eyes widened, her trembling hands clutching the package of white powder. "Sorry," she said, though she obviously didn't mean it, bowing her head. "I won't disappoint you next time."

"That's better," he said coldly before he opened the door. "Until next month, then."

* * *

He leaned over the sink, the cold water having warmed up on his face was dripping onto the porcelain as his heart kept thundering against his ribcage.

Xion and Kairi were not alike, and yet he had been so _sure_ he had held Kairi's wrist in his hand.

He couldn't go soft on his girls; they would seize any opportunity to turn against him.

That wasn't surprising; they had every right to be that way.

Even so, he wouldn't be able to continue his job if he couldn't even beat them into submission if necessary.

His hands were _still_ shaking. There was no way he could do so if they turned into Kairi in front of his eyes every single time.

 _Why?_

He shook his head before he buried his face in a towel.

What was he doing?

He thought he had decided on living a double life, hadn't he?

Like this, he wouldn't be able to do his job and thus screwing up one part of that double life.

With a sigh, he pushed open the bathroom door to drop himself on his bed and draped an arm over his eyes.

He had known this was going to be complicated, hadn't he?

Was his will this weak? He had genuinely thought his determination meant something.

He held his breath as he heard a soft knock on the door.

"Roxas?"

In response, he automatically reached towards his bedside and managed to shove his leather jacket under the bed as she poked her head around the door.

"Hey," she said quietly. "You awake?"

"Yeah," he said, sitting up a little. "Sorry, I didn't hear you come in."

"Rough day?" she said sympathetically as she sat down next to him, reaching forward to rest the back of her hand against his forehead. "Are you okay? You don't look so good."

He pulled her towards him, placing his trembling fingers on her waist, resting his face on her shoulder.

Was he okay? He wasn't quite sure. He was just so, _so_ very relieved to be able to hold her like this again.

 _Not her._ No, not her.

"Roxas? You're shaking," she said quietly as she wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "Did something happen today?"

"I'm just really tired," he said softly, tightening his hold on her.

Well, he _was_ exhausted.

He felt as if an hurricane had swirled through his mind all day and there was no calm before or after the storm.

It had just continued to rage on and on. Now, for the first time today, he felt like he had gotten some peace of mind.

 _It had not been her. She was here.  
_  
She smelled just right, too.

A flowery scent mixed with her strawberry shampoo. Not a single hint of alcohol, smoke, guy's cologne and unwashed sheets.

She would never have to smell like that, either.

Even so, it hit him like a bus when she sat down on his bed, tilting her head to look at him almost a bit confused as he stared back at her.

 _In a weird way, she was the same as all the others.  
_  
There had been other girls on the same bed, after all, there even had been a girl here this very morning.

The thought made him feel sick.

He didn't want her to have anything in common with those insignificant women who meant nothing to him, didn't want her to be in the same space where he had to pretend they did mean something to him.

He swallowed at the lump in his throat as he laid down again, allowing her to nuzzle closer to him.

What was the point of living a complicated life if things were just… simple?

What was the point of leading a double life to begin with anyway? He didn't necessarily love his job, he was just very good at it.

The only thing he really wanted to go for, was... her. Just her.

Now it made sense.

It was not that his determination was meaningless.

He did have a powerful will.

He just hadn't dared to think further.

So, he wanted to be worthy of her. It was as easy as that.

If he wanted to be worthy of her, _he would have to quit_.

Severing his ties with her would be the other option if it had been an option, to begin with.

He would just have to quiet. Simple as that.

Well, sorta.

His father had allowed Sora to quit too, as well, so _it was possible_. Kind of.

He knew that his father would not let go of him as easily, but he had a better chance at quitting than anyone else without it costing his life.

He could sever his ties with the shady underground organisation instead and move back to the surface, to walk among them as any other normal human being without a criminal background.

Until the day he could sever those ties, he would simply have to make sure that Kairi wasn't caught in between their private life and his work.

She would never set foot in this shady apartment anymore and she would disappear from his work phone as if she had never been there in the first place.

His connection to her had to remain as high above the ground as he could manage.

He couldn't risk her crossing the boundary line to his underground network.

She'd never get out. She'd become like the others.

 _Not her._ No, not her.

She'd always be just here, in his arms, safe and sound.

He made sure to bury his face in his hair, to drown out anything else.

He had thought about all of these things so much and now he had made this final decision, the only decision that felt truly right, he just wanted to be with her.

In the end, that was all he really wanted.

All the other plans he had ever made up until now had just turned into crumbled pieces of shredded paper in the bin.

* * *

 **Happy July everyone!**

 **Perhaps this might not look like the most eventful chapter, it sure has a great amount of value. It's the last moment of hesitation, the final thoughts of confusion and questioning before the leap.**

 **Even so, I think we all knew he had already leapt way before this chapter. Let's not tell him that, though :)**

 **Thank you so much for everyone reading along. I'm always anxious whenever I upload because I'm afraid it's not good enough, but your (silent) support makes me feel happy. Thank you.**

 **Keep safe and have a wonderful Fourth of July for those of you who celebrate 3**

 **Lots of love,**

 **Your author**


	8. Drawing the line

**Intuition**

* * *

 _Chapter Six_

Drawing the line

* * *

It was almost as if he had to redo his first day at school again, nervous jitters in his stomach as he kept his gaze steady on the table.

He twirled the new phone around his fingers, studying its smooth surface. It would be nice to have one that wasn't dented and damaged all over.

That was not the point of buying the new phone though.

Even though he would have to talk to his father eventually - he wanted to postpone _the talk_ for just a little while longer -, he wanted to separate Kairi from his work sphere as soon as possible.

With this, he would be able to take the first step in drawing a firm line between her and his job, right and wrong.

He heard the small bell jingle as the door of the coffee shop opened, the familiar flash of auburn hair standing out as she turned around the door, her gaze meeting his right away.

"Hey, Roxas!" she said, rather enthusiastically as she joined his table. "How unusual, to see you so early in the morning. I didn't expect to see you here."

He smiled back as she took the seat opposite of him. He had to cancel two dates today in order to do so, but this, no, _she_ was more important. It was finally time to set some things into action. "I wanted to see you."

He did want to see her; he always wanted to see her.

Now was the time to be as honest as he could, too; he would try and tell the truth as much as possible now.

He had already been fairly honest with her, but now he could talk to her without the hidden agenda from before. Some things should remain out of daylight, but that was another story and it would never be her story again.

She tilted her head to the side as he handed her the coffee he had ordered for her. Her file remained of good use, though he knew everything by heart at this point.

"You're prepared," she started slowly. "So, does that mean you want to see me for _good_ reasons or for _bad_ reasons? I mean, you are missing classes for this and you've already ordered my coffee."

"What do you mean, bad reasons?" he asked, a bit startled. _Bad reasons_? What would she consider to be a bad reason for him to see her? He had quite a few, before. "I just want to talk to you, really."

She smiled a little, though it almost seemed sad. "So… Do you want to _talk_ or do you want to, you know, just talk?"

He finally caught her drift and shook his head fervently, though something in the way she phrased it made him smile a little. To think _he_ 'd dump _her_ , of all things.  
Well, he should, in all honesty. "No, it's the good kind, I promise. Kinda. It's nothing special."

She relaxed visibly, her smile bright again as she warmed her hands on the porcelain of the cup. "I'm glad. What's up, then?"

He opened his hand towards her. "Can I have your phone real quick?"

"Sure," she said, bending a bit backwards to get it out of her pocket. "The password's 1407, by the way. What did you want to look up?"

"Nothing, it's just that I have a new one. My old one's… out of order," he finally decided as he moved through her contacts, searching for his own. "So I thought it was easier to just put my new phone number in before you'd try and contact me. It would be stupid if you can't reach me because of something like this."

"Oh, all right," she said as he made sure he deleted his old one and starting typing in his new one. "Is this one a little easier to remember? I tried to learn the other one by heart, but it's something in the combination that just… well… I couldn't remember it."

"That's okay," he said, a bit relieved that she couldn't remember it. She officially didn't belong in his 'work-phone' anymore, after all; he had already deleted her contact in it. If anything, he wanted her to forget that number completely. "Here," he said, handing her back her phone. "All done."

"Great," she said, glancing at it for a second. "Oh, you got rid of the old one already. Good, I might accidentally text it otherwise and be upset that you didn't reply," she added playfully.

"Thought so," he said with a smile. "You'd probably ignore me later in a very professional, passive-aggressive manner, I reckon."

"Of course," she said teasingly, taking a sip. "I've had years of practice and I'm proud to say it's never worked before, so why change a winning team?"

He laughed, feeling strangely light now he had taken the first step. "Fair enough. You free tonight?"

She made a face. "Noooo, why do you always ask that when I'm absolutely not free?!"

"Liar," he teased. "Are you going somewhere?"

Kairi smiled as she put down her empty cup. "Nah, I'll be studying at home. You can come by if you want, but be warned: I won't be very sociable."

He shrugged as she came over to his side. Wrapping his arms around her, he grinned up at her. "That's okay. Besides, I won't be very sociable either. I have to look for a new apartment."

"You're moving?" she asked, a bit surprised. "Somewhere in the neighborhood?"

"Yeah, something a little bigger. Mine's a little cramped."

She nodded thoughtfully. "I see. That's interesting… Can I help you look?"

"Weren't you incredibly busy?" he teased her again, but she simply poked him back. "As if you're going to find a new apartment tonight," she remarked dryly. "I'll help you out next time."

"What a faith you have in me," he complained as she pressed a kiss on his forehead. "I'm disappointed."

She simply stuck her tongue out at him as she was already heading to the door, on her way to her first class. "It'll be fun, though! See you tonight!"

"Yeah," he said, staring at her as she took her leave with a vague smile on his face. "See you later."

* * *

There was a very distinct scent of alcohol, sweat and vomit in the air and he sighed as he glanced indifferently at the unconscious girl next to him.

This was his third one so far in five days.

Three too many, he thought to himself as he glanced back at the contents of his glass. He should probably pay Vexen a visit one of these days.

The idiot enjoyed mixing together multiple kinds of addictive substances and the outcome was starting to be not really convenient.

Unconscious girls were surprisingly heavy and he had more things to do tonight instead of spending the entire night lifting and dragging the girl everywhere.

"Heya, Tidus— oh, she's out," he heard behind him. He glanced up to see the spiky haired blackhead turn around the round bench to sit next to him. "Heya, Roxas."

"Yo," he said as he watched how Vanitas set down his full glass of beer. "What's up?"

"Nothing much," Vanitas said, leaning backward in his seat as he glanced amusedly at the unconscious girl. "What did you do to her?"

"Vexen," he said, knowing it was enough for Vanitas to know what had happened. The guy started to laugh.

"Yeah, he gets to them," Van said snickering before bringing his glass up to take a sip. "How's it going, man? Long time no see."

"It's all good," he said evasively. "So, how are you doing, though? Settled in?"

"Oh, sure," Vanitas said with a shrug as the music softened to simply a heavy bass beat, signalling to most visitors that it was almost time to go home… at least get the hell out of the discotheque. The owners did not really care whether you actually left their doorstep. "I've got quite a few girls going on. I have decided to drop the blonde, though. You remember her, right?"

"What blonde?" he said, frowning a little, trying to remember a few who might've met Vanitas, too. None of the imaginary encounters made sense.

"Her name was Naminé," Vanitas elaborated anyway. "She was way too shy to actually get her on the job and let's be honest… she was a pain in the ass and I'm a lazy asshole. Shame, though, she was kinda cute," he ended with a fake sigh as he took another sip.

Now he did remember the girl, even though it was a little vague as he had been distracted when they met.

Naminé was the girl Kairi had been with that fateful day. Now that he thought about it, he was kind of glad that Vanitas had given up.

It would've been a pain to try and explain to Kairi _why_ her friend had gone away and definitely hard to try and defend his 'friendship' with the younger guy if she ever found out _where_ her friend had gone.

"That's an important part," he said to the younger guy. "Sometimes it's better to give up early, before it's too late and you have to finish it off somehow."

"Speaking of which," Vanitas spoke up with a grin. "How's it going with the redhead?"

He automatically stiffened, though he should've seen the question coming. Vanitas had not been likely to forget about the bet, after all. "Which redhead?"

He could try, at the very least.

"Oh, come on, the one in the club back then!" Vanitas said, rolling his eyes. He hadn't fallen for it. "The 'impossible challenge', remember?"

He leaned back into his seat, stuffing his hands into his pockets and balling them into fists as he thought for a second.

If he said he hadn't succeeded, Vanitas might go after her just to try and see whether he could succeed, to try and compete with him as the guy saw him as a rival somehow. He didn't think Kairi would ever fall for Van's advances, but he'd rather not have to explain what was going on to her.

He couldn't say he had slept with her either. After all, sleeping with a girl meant having to put her into the register, and even though that meant she was taken off the market for the others (that wasn't so bad), but if he said he had, wouldn't Vanitas expect her name to pop-

 _he wouldn't know_.

Vanitas had no idea who Kairi was other than how she had looked that night, and considering the amount of girls Vanitas dealt with on daily basis, the only thing he might remember was her red hair.

There were others with kind of red hair and Van had not paid too much attention to her that night as Vanitas had focussed on the blonde. Even though, getting the words out was rather hard.

"I slept with her," he finally said quietly, fighting hard to keep the sour expression off his face at the guy's surprised enthusiasm.

He felt ashamed of sharing that with someone like Van and was vaguely reminded of how he was supposed to feel right now.

Smug, probably. Euphoric, maybe.

There was nothing of that right now.

He wondered for a second when exactly Kairi had stopped being the object of the bet in the first place and when exactly the bet had become his justification of his strange desire to be with her. It was probably a lot sooner than he thought it was.

"You _did_?" Vanitas said, his eyes wide. " _How_?!"

"It's all in the approach," he said distantly, though he wasn't lying. "It did take me forever, though. Anyway," he added, glancing at his colleague as the girl next to him stirred. "I think you owe me some cash, Van."

It would be useful, some extra cash, especially if he was going to buy an extra apartment, though he felt awful having to earn it over her back.

There was no helping it; it would be strange if he didn't ask for it and he didn't want Vanitas breathing down his neck while the guy was investigating his case.

It was bad enough that he kind of knew who Kairi was, to begin with.

"Yeah, of course," Vanitas said sourly, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "Damn, I really thought she was even out of your league."

"Well," he said casually as the girl now started to mumble, groggily throwing her arms on the table and gently resting her forehead against the wooden surface. "I am more experienced than you."

"It does pay off, I suppose," Vanitas admitted as his attention was drawn back to the girl. "Want me to take her home?"

"Nah," he said with a sigh, standing up as he heaved the partially awake girl over his shoulder. "I'll take her. You enjoy the rest of your evening."

"Will do," Vanitas said, grinning at him. "See you around."

"Yeah," he said quietly as he dragged the now giggling girl with him. "Probably."

* * *

"Say," she said as he was laying on his back, his head in her lap as he was browsing through a site advertising apartments. "Don't you miss your brother?"

He thought about that for a moment. He hadn't seen Sora in years, but he had started to understand why Sora hated this job so much.

Sora, even though he was his brother, had never really fit well into his life.

The two of them lived completely opposite lives and that made it hard to get along on occasions where they met each other.

"I do miss him," he finally decided, hesitating a little bit as he glanced up at her. She glanced back, the look in her eyes warm and… patient. "He… was right. In the end."

"Well," she said quietly. "I do think it's important for the both of you that you talk, even if it's just saying hi, you know."

She twirled a strand of his hair around her fingertips as he remained silent. "Besides, haven't the two of you matured since the last time you spoke?"

Had they? He did feel the necessity of apologizing to his brother.

He wanted to show him that he had changed, that he was prepared to change. Besides, he did want his brother back in his life now he was willing to go above the ground for her.

He wasn't used to being wrong, though. He didn't dare come alone when he would meet his brother face to face.

"If I were to reconcile with Sora… would you come along?"

She blinked twice. "Of course," she said right away. "I think it's brave of you. It's never easy to apologize."

"Thanks," he said quietly.

Strange; he wanted her to be on good grounds with his family, well, with Sora.

His father was a lost cause to begin with, Sora was the closest thing he had to a family he was proud of.

He would be on good grounds with her family, too.

It would be interesting, fun, even, to not tear everything apart but to become part of it, somehow.

As he gazed back at her relaxed expression, he remembered that he once had wondered what it'd be like if they had met under different circumstances.

He felt strangely light as he was closer to that alternate version of his story than ever before.

For the first time ever, he had a goal in his life, something to work hard for.

To think it all started with a stupid bet.

* * *

Even though he had already agreed to visit Sora together with Kairi, he would have to sort a couple of things out first.

He was rather nervous, drumming his fingers on the wooden table as he heard the phone go over.

After all, if he had to apologise, he had to specify what for. He would never do that in Kairi's proximity.

Maybe he should hang up; he didn't have to do this now, he could do it later, quite possibly next week or —

" _Sora Strife speaking_."

The familiar voice of his younger half-brother made a lump form in his throat.

He hadn't realized he had missed the idiot this much. It had been too long ago since they last spoke.

He hadn't realized how fast the time had gone by since their last and final row.

"Hey," he said quietly. "It's me. Roxas."

The line went silent for a while and he didn't dare say anything, fearing for a second Sora might've hung up on him.

" _It's been a while, huh?_ "

Sora wasn't one to hold a grudge, but he seemed quite uncomfortable.

It couldn't be helped and he had known this beforehand.

The last time they had spoken, there had been nothing left of their sense of brotherhood. It was stupid to think it would come back just like that.

"I'm sorry."

On the other hand, it was his brother Sora. The most brotherly of brothers.

" _Yeah_ ," Sora said after a short pause, in which he breathed in quite sharply. " _Me too._ "

He rubbed his forehead with his free hand, smiling a bit as he swallowed against the lump in his throat.

In the end, of course, his stupid brother always went easy on him. He didn't deserve a brother like Sora.

"So…How are you?"

" _I'm good_ ," Sora said, sniffling just a bit before he chuckled. " _Look at that, I'm a grown-ass man and I'm about to bawl my eyes out. Great._ "

He laughed a little. "You've always been a crybaby, Sora."

" _I have, haven't I?_ " Sora said, before sighing. " _So, what's been going on with you? Don't be too specific, please. Pretend like you have, you know, a normal office job, or something like that._ "

"Well," he said, shifting a little bit in his seat. "I wanted to talk about that. You were right."

" _About what, exactly?_ "

"You know, I've never said that it was _good_ , what I do, I mean. It just never felt... _wrong_ that I did those things, I guess."

" _And you know what I think of that,_ " Sora said quietly. " _That hasn't changed, I'm afraid._ "

"Yeah, I know," he said, smiling a little. "I believe you called me a heartless prick without a single shred of human decency last time, to quote you as accurately as possible?"

" _Let's not elaborate on that_ ," Sora said a bit sheepishly. " _I was angry, you know. I didn't_ really _mean it. Well, maybe a_ little _. You_ can _be a heartless prick without a single shred of human decency. When you do your job. Outside of it, you're OK, I guess._ "

"I think I understand now why you hate it so much," he said softly. "It's not like I'm against it as much as you are, but… there is someone I can't ruin like that."

Sora was silent for a bit and as he spoke again, he sounded a bit disbelievingly." _You serious? Wait… Have you talked to dad about it?_ "

"Not yet," he said, a bit uncomfortable. "But I _do_ want to quit."

" _Whoa, whoa,_ " Sora said, sounding rather confused. " _You're_ quitting? _That's…_ wow. _I mean, I… personally, I think that's amazing news. I don't think dad will be as pleased, you know, but I… I'm really relieved, actually._ "

"It wasn't like I was going to get caught," he said amusedly.

" _To be honest, I would've preferred you to be caught at some point,_ " Sora said dryly. " _It's for you, you know. To me, this kind of proves that you really aren't… sorry, I mean: this proves to me that you're still my brother, in the end_."

"Thanks."

" _So, er, who is this certain someone, then?_ " Sora said, his tone much lighter after he cleared his throat. " _I ought to send her a 'thank you card'._ "

The corners of his lips turned upwards right away. "Her name's Kairi."

" _Yeah, because just the name will tell me a whole lot about her_ ," Sora said teasingly.

"Well, that's another reason why I called," he said, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand. "Er… I kind of told her we had this massive row, which is, well, er, true, I guess, and that I wanted to reconcile with you… and I asked her to come along."

" _So you mean you just ruined the surprise?_ "

"Yeah, well," he said with a shrug. "I wouldn't really be able to reconcile without saying anything, right? You would've slammed the door in my face because you would've thought I had brought one of the girls with me."

" _That is very likely, indeed,_ " Sora said thoughtfully. " _Oh, well, all right. I'll pretend to be mad at you for a little while longer, then._ "

"I'm sorry for not having spoken to you for the past couple of years."

" _Me too,_ " Sora said wholeheartedly. " _I'm sorry that I didn't call you earlier, either, it's just… I meant to call… I regretted blowing up in your face the next week, but… it just didn't feel right to say sorry, somehow. I wasn't, really. It's… complicated._ "

"I get it," he said immediately. "You didn't want to have anything to do with all of it and that's okay."

" _Does Kairi know—?_ "

"No," he said at once. "I don't want her to know. She'll run out on me."

Sora chuckled softly. " _That would be the logical response, I suppose. I mean, that's usually the first warning sign that things aren't as good as you think they are._ "

"Funny you should mention that," he said, laughing a little. "She escaped during our first encounter."

" _…_ Escaped _?_ "

"Yeah. Through the restroom window."

" _You're joking._ "

"No, seriously," he said, smiling as he remembered it. "You have no idea how long it took for her to fully trust me."

" _Please allow me to ask her about your first meeting,_ " Sora said, and he could hear the smile in his brother's voice. " _I want full coverage of that story. Through the_ restroom window _?_ "

He chuckled. "Sure. Just don't say anything… work-related, okay?"

" _Obviously not,_ " Sora promised right away. " _Don't get me wrong, I still hate the whole business and everything that you have to do 'at work'. And I still don't want to talk to dad, either, so tell him not to hold his breath_."

"I know. You won't have to," he said, glancing at his work phone, which had started to light up as it received messages. "Even though he does miss you, you know."

" _He can't miss someone._ "

Though Sora was the most brotherly of brothers, he would never forgive his father for the things he did.

"Of course he can," he said softly. "You should know that."

Sora sighed. " _It's just… fucked up. All of it. I think part of the reason why I dislike him is that he was the reason you worked so hard in that godawful business of him. Just because he never felt anything towards… your mum, you know, that's just not right. Nothing about it is right._ "

"Well, I don't really care much," he said with a shrug. "He appreciates me and you for entirely different reasons, and you're the one he's somewhat emotionally connected to, that's all."

" _Do you want me to come with you to talk him into letting you quit? If it's for you, I'm willing to say a few words. I think._ "

That would be easier, he thought to himself, but he shook his head, even though Sora couldn't see him. "Nah. I need to do this on my own. I mean, I do want to quit, I honestly do."

" _Suit yourself. So, I take it I'll see you soon enough? Wait, do you have my address?_ "

"Yeah, dad gave it to me a long time ago," he said, running a hand through his hair. "In case I ever wanted to see you again."

" _Wait, so_ he _'s the one sending me those anonymous Christmas cards? Damn. I might have to move._ "

"He probably is," he said, laughing. "I gotta hang up, though. I'll see you soon."

" _Let me know what dad said. If he won't allow you to quit, I will swallow my pride and pay him a visit to throw a tantrum or something. I'll throw a table or two._ "

"Thanks, Sora."

" _Thank you, Roxas_ ," Sora said wholeheartedly. "Y _ou know, I'm really glad we spoke again. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go ahead and bawl my eyes out and it's not because I missed you or anything. I'm just watching this very sad movie, that's all._ "

He smiled. "Yeah, I know. Take care."

" _You too. See ya, Roxas._ "

He took a while before he went on with his evening chores, which mainly included planning meaningless, stupid dates with new girls he had picked up a week ago.

Even so, he felt as if a huge burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He had absolutely missed his stupid little brother.

So another line was drawn.

Not speaking to his brother and exiling Sora from his life was wrong. On good terms and Sora in his life was right, _felt right_.

Now all he had to do was stick to it.

And talk to his father.

* * *

 **A very happy late August from yours truly!**

 **Good grief, time passes like crazy! Might have to update twice this week, my goodness. I still made it though, so I'm kinda proud.**

 **A lot has happened to me in private this month. Good things, not so good things. Enough for me to put down my (imaginary) pen and stop writing for a while.**

 **Nevertheless, I'm here, I'm writing and it's continuing. I'm excited. The first baby steps are the most difficult to take, but Roxas's up for a hell of a ride.**

 **Also, my next chapters might be a little longer. I will probably need approximately three more chapters and then this story will be finished. Goodness.**

 **How was your Summer?**

 **See you all next month... or a couple of more days. We'll see. See you around, anyway.**

 **Live long and prosper,**

 **Your author**


	9. Dedication and Determination

**Intuition**

* * *

 _Chapter Seven_

Dedication and Determination

* * *

Life was full of spirit-breaking moments.

He had his fair share of them before, but he knew he was up for quite a few more.

As a matter of fact, every time he had to see his father was a spirit-breaking moment, now that he thought about it.

Normally, he avoided seeing his dad in person, but it was time to talk.

It was almost as if his father knew.

He was waiting in front of his father's office and he had already been waiting there for three hours.

It was nerve-wrecking, not to mention a waste of time.

He glanced at his watch, but the time was still ticking away.

Then, finally, the heavy wooden door opened, revealing a tall man in the doorway, his blonde hair shadowing his face a little - he had become quite grey already in the last couple of years -, his expression unreadable.

"Roxas?"

He took a deep breath as he pushed himself off the wall he had been leaning against.

"Dad."

The man nodded, taking a step back from the doorway to let him in.

He followed silently, making sure to keep his head straight.

His father could smell fear from a mile away. He wasn't _really_ afraid of his father, not anymore, at least.

He just needed something from his father that his father was not willing to give.

 _Here we go.  
_  
The office was exactly how he remembered it.

The dark grey colour on the walls had begun to break down a little in large patches, revealing the soft yellow colour that had been painted on prior to the depressing one his father had chosen years ago.

A metal lamp hung from the ceiling and the ebony desk was as massive as ever. The house plant in the corner was as dead as his father's soul.

His father gestured wordlessly to the chair in front of the desk as he sat down on his, leaning backwards as his father's metal blue gaze bore into his skin.

He kept standing, resting his hands on top of the empty chair. "I have a request," he said quietly.

His father smiled, a rare sight for him. "Sure. You can ask anything."

He raised his brow almost automatically.

The smile on his father's face sobered down right away to only the slightest of smirks. "Indeed. You shouldn't ask me for things I don't want to give."

He bit down on the side of his cheek for a second, wondering how the hell he ever managed to live in the same house as this person once.

No wonder he didn't really enjoy his birthday. The first six years of his life he didn't really know he had one to begin with.

For one horrid second, he wondered whether Kairi ever viewed him this way. He did share a couple of the same genes, after all.

He breathed out, forced himself to make eye-contact and thought of happy things… happy things… _happy_ _things_ …

"I want to quit."

His father's face was blank. "Excuse me?"

"I want to quit," it was easier as he said it the second time.

He had already dropped the bomb and now all he had to do was deal with the aftermath.

Cloud Strife stood up, walked over to the small window and turned his back on his son. "Interesting. Could you then perhaps tell me how this company deals with 'quitters'?"

"They get shot," he said, his knuckles white as he gripped down on the edge of the chair. "And you make it look like an accident. I know."

"Good. Then we're on the same page."

He took another deep breath. "May I remind you of two things?"

"Entertain me," his father said, his voice flat as the man slowly turned to face his son again.

"I'm currently your best employee," he said firmly. "Nobody has ever cashed in as well as I have for the past couple of years. Secondly, no matter how much you hate to be reminded of it, I'm still your son. If I die, you will have to organise my funeral, pretend to be sad and fail miserable, because of which Sora will never talk to you again."

It was a wild guess to assume his father would care about the other things, but he knew Sora was still his father's weak spot for sure, even after all these years.

His father's eyes narrowed, his blank expression replaced by a deep frown. "What do you propose?"

"I know you organised this procedure for the ones you deem 'trustworthy' and who want to leave. The one Sora went through when he left. He told me."

"Sora," Cloud said, his voice sharp as he crossed his arms. "Was not cut out for the job. We all knew that."

"I know, but-"

" _You_ , no matter how much I hate to admit it indeed, are one of our best employees," Cloud continued, ignoring his son as he started to pace. "Give me one good reason for you to leave in the first place."

"I cannot do it anymore," he said firmly. "I met someone."

His father let out a scoff. " _Please_."

"Are you willing to battle this one out?" he said quietly, preparing to go to war. "Because you know I will."

"This has nothing to do with any of that," Cloud said, strangely naively for someone who should know better.

He, on the other hand, knew that he had enough of his father's genes to be as merciless as the man standing in front of him.

"Let me enlighten you then. When you were, what, twenty-six or so, you were one of the very best. You made sure no one knew about the illegitimate toddler son of yours and all was well," he said tonelessly. "Oh, wait, there was this brown haired woman that you tried to pick up once."

"Roxas." His name sounded harsh on his father's lips, but now it was _his_ time to smirk.

"Right, she sure was cute, Aerith Evans. Cute enough to make _you_ want to quit _your_ job, how _silly_ ," he snapped as his father cringed a little. "You thought _she_ 'd ever want someone like _you_. You thought _you_ were cut out for the family life, what a _joke_. You founded this company and let others do _your_ work instead, while _you_ pretended to be the _good husband_ at home, especially after Aerith found out you were hiding _me_ in the basement and you had to talk yourself out of that one. She may have bought it until that fateful night when she found out what had happened to me, who you were before and what you had done," he continued mercilessly. "And she made a run for it, with Sora and me. Too bad you were too friendly with Sephiroth."

"Stop. Please, stop," his father now whispered, now leaning heavily on his chair as he rested his forehead on top of it.

"Oh, _sorry_ ," he said, his smirk dark and crooked now. "Do you still want to forget he shot her? Oh, my bad," he added, chuckling. "I said it again. He shot her. She _died_ , because of who _you_ were and what _you_ had done and who _you_ were friends with. Funny story, huh?"

His father glanced up at him, clearly angry, though he kept quiet.

"I know I can't guilt-trip you forever," he said with a shrug. "But it's sure fun while it lasts, no?"

It wasn't just a leverage to him, truth be told. He loved Aerith, too, as the only real mother he had ever known. Sora's mother was as much his own mother and he had been as hurt as Sora was when that dreadful night had happened.

Even though, he had nothing to manipulate his biological father with, except for this. It was worth having to relive that awful memory in order for what he wanted to achieve.

" _I_ was an accident," he said as his father didn't say a word. "Sora wasn't. I know you never loved me, though you love Sora to bits. It's fine, you know," he added as his father opened his mouth. "I don't care, not anymore. I just ask you to give me the same opportunity you gave Sora and I'll never ask you for anything else, ever again."

His father turned his back on him again, tapping his foot on the floor in slow, deliberate taps as he thought about it.

Then, he stopped, though he didn't turn back. "So it's like that, huh?"

"What?" he said, a bit distractedly.

"She's like Aerith?"

It sounded almost… vulnerable. He had not expected to be confronted with his father's vulnerability in this conversation. He almost automatically softened, too.

"Yeah. Yeah, she is."

He should've known it was absolutely the wrong thing to show his vulnerability, too.

"Well, then," Cloud said as he turned around, now smirking again. "I take it you're willing to agree to a couple of… terms, then?"

He straightened his shoulders. "Depends on the terms," he said, though he knew he had no means of negotiating them whatsoever.

"You'll have to sign a very strict secrecy agreement," his father said, the metal blueness of his eyes shimmering a little in the low light. "Break it, you die. _Capiche_?"

"Yeah," he said with a shrug. That much was self-evident. In this world, you either died a late death along with your secret or died very early for the truth. "Got it."

"Of course," Cloud continued. "If you insist on quitting, I'll secure you a job in a normal company, make sure you have the right certificates and make sure you have everything to get you above ground again, like Sora, as you've asked for," he added, his smile fading a little at the mention of his favourite son, the one who hated him most.

He waited, he knew that wasn't the deal. There was no way his father would give him all that in return for just his secrecy.

"Well, you see, times have changed," Cloud said, now grinning widely. "So you'll have to work for the money yourself. So, in short, we'll take two-thirds of your salary as it is now, but that won't do, of course. You'll have to at least double the amount of girls you're currently working with right now."

He inhaled sharply. That would be insanely difficult to manage. He was already working with a lot more girls than most of his other colleagues.

Doubling that amount was just suicide to his sanity.

"You're still agreeing?" Cloud asked quietly, a very smug expression on his face.

"Yes," he whispered. He knew that his father hadn't been so elaborate when he quit himself, leading to his lover's early demise.

He had to do this for Kairi, too.

If he didn't shake off his past as fervently as he could, it would always come back for him and take it out on the only one he couldn't bear losing, like they had done with his father.

"Good," his father continued, a bit displeased at his willingness to cooperate. "I see. It'll take you approximately two years, I think. If you keep it up. If you fail at any time, however," he added warningly, the metal blueness of his eyes hardening. "This chance will never present itself again."

"I'm aware of that," he said quietly.

"Then that'll be all," his father said with a small nod.

He gave his father a very small nod in return and turned around.

"Introduce me to her once," his father then said as his hand rested on the doorknob already. "I'm curious."

"Not if I can help it," he hissed back, not turning to look around at his father as he swung open the door and let it fall shut behind him.

Two years.

He just had to survive two years. He had already done this for so many years… two years meant nothing.

He let out a soft groan nevertheless.

Two whole years.

Managing the current amount of girls was already time-consuming, managing the double amount was going to be hell on Earth and doing that for two years… he might not even make it out alive.

He took another deep breath as he opened his new phone, to see Kairi smile back at him from his background picture. He'd manage.

He'd free both of them.

* * *

He had grown to hate this part most.

At this point, he kind of tuned out his thoughts and his sense of feeling during the intimate moments, just moving on automatism and on basic knowledge that he had collected throughout the years, but afterwards was the most horrifying thing ever.

He got off the girl, feeling a fresh wave of self-hatred and guilt wash over him as he dropped himself next to her, staring at the ceiling as he folded his arms behind his head.

His skin crawled and he very much wished to take a shower.

Maybe three, if that would ever help him to feel clean again.

From experience, he knew even five showers wouldn't do the trick. Nothing would help against this.

"Tidus?"

It took him a second to realise she was talking to him; he was starting to pay less attention to the details and had forgotten that he was known as 'Tidus' to most of his girls.

"Hmm?"

She turned to her side, resting her palm on his chest.

He tried not to cringe; this was as much part of it as everything else.

Besides, he thought to himself, he would get to see her again tonight, he would get to see her again, he would get to see _her_ again.

He kept repeating it to himself as a mantra to be able to endure all of this.

It had never before been this difficult. How had he done this for all those years?!

"Do you love me?"

Of course she'd ask. They'd always ask.

He glanced down at the girl curled up at his side, her green eyes wide as she gazed back a bit shyly, her brown curls falling messily over her shoulder.

Deep breath and there he went.

Just another lie.

Just another one— one more. 1. 2. 3, and—

"Of course."

He couldn't _really_ say it.

"I love you, too," she said as she smiled, and he'd rather have her not look at him, so he rested his hand on the back of her head and pushed her down to his chest.

To her, it might've seemed like an intimate gesture, but he really hated not seeing the one he wanted to see during these moments.

No matter.

He would get to see _her_ again, he would get to see _her_ tonight.

He didn't want to hear those words from this meaningless girl, nor from any other girl.

He just wanted to hear them from a very certain auburn haired girl and maybe, maybe he would get to hear them tonight again, from _her_.

That was enough to keep himself going.

"Do you want me to take you home?" he asked her, fighting to keep the hopefulness out of his voice. "I'd feel bad if you had to go home by yourself."

"I don't want to separate yet," she complained and he had to remind himself to be patient.

Forcing his body to move accordingly, he reached out to stroke a few curls of her brown hair behind her ear. "I know," he said, trying very hard to keep his voice as smooth and low as he could manage to achieve the reassuring tone he needed. "I wish we could stay like this longer, too."

The words seemed to burn like acid on his tongue.

The words were no longer just lies, they were a fierce form of betrayal and knowing that he was betraying the only one he didn't want to betray was wounding him more deeply than he had imagined it would.

"Well," the girl, Olette, sighed a little sadly. "You do have to work late tonight, right?"

"Yeah," he said, a little bit more firm than he had intended to. "I'm so sorry."

"That's all right," she said, smiling. "I'll see you again, soon, right?"

"Very soon," he promised, though he wished that could be the lie.

He had to see her soon again.

The quicker he developed this 'relationship', the sooner she'd be secured and then he would only have to visit her once every month.

As Olette got out of bed to gather her clothes and belongings, he jumped up from the bed too, a new spring in his step.

Finally, _finally_ , **finally**. He would get to see _her_ again, he would get to see _her_ tonight.

* * *

He sighed as he flicked a lone piece of glitter off his arm.

Not only did he feel awful during the times he had to touch other women or spend time with them, he had to cover it up afterwards too.

He hated glitters now as he would have to scrub off his entire skin later before he could head out to meet up with his _girlfriend_.

For the first time ever, he was genuinely invested in a relationship.

He wondered _when_ he had become so invested in his relationship with her. He was pretty sure it had happened way earlier, maybe even as early as the time she climbed out the window to escape him. Maybe he had already stumbled as soon as their gazes locked as he approached her.

He had thought he had gotten rid of most of the glitter that Olette had smeared all over him, but he kept noticing little pieces here and there even though he had spend so much time under the shower trying to get it all off.

He stood in front of her front door and he took a deep breath.

The last time he had been here, no one had been home, but now there were cars parked just across the street and it made him a bit nervous.

Normally he could just behave as rudely as he'd liked, but now he wanted, no, needed to be the best version of who he was.

He wanted them to approve of him, and he was a little worried that they wouldn't.

It wouldn't surprise him if they didn't, considering Kairi was their daughter; she must've gotten that intuition of someone, after all.

She was the one to open the door, however.

It almost seemed as if she had been waiting near it because he had barely touched the doorbell before she yanked open the door.

"Hey," he said, laughing a little at her enthusiasm as she wrapped her arms around his neck because he felt equally as enthusiastic.

It felt as if he could finally breathe again when he hugged her back. He had missed her.

It had been too long; eight days were eight too many in his book.

"Hey," she said, leaning back to grin at him. "Wanna come in?"

He was as ready as he was ever going to be. "Yeah."

"I'm so sorry, by the way," she said as she let him go so he could enter her house. "I know most people my age live on their own but it was just more convenient like this. For now."

He thought he had imagined a flash of red hair somewhere up the stairs as she closed the door behind him, paying it no further attention but she started to smirk.

"Well, at least I'm not as _old_ as my brother. I mean, let's be real here… at _his_ age it's just embarrassing to be still living at home," she added a little louder as she glanced up the stairs as well.

As it turned out, he had not imagined something, or rather, someone hiding out there.

Finally, a tall guy with bright red hair came stomping down to glare at the girl to his side, who was grinning now. "I'm not _old_ , you brat!"

"Roxas," she turned to him again with a soft giggle. "This is my brother Axel, who tried to spy on us, but miserably failed. Axe, this is Roxas, my boyfriend you tried to spy on, but miserably failed."

The redheaded guy raised a brow in a dignified manner as he came forward to extend his hand, strange black triangles tattooed under his eyes. "Tch. I was just trying to look out for my baby sister. Nice to meet you, though."

He couldn't help but grin widely as he shook the guy's hand. He felt like he could get along with anybody who put Kairi's safety high up their priority list. "Likewise."

As Kairi led the way to the living room, Axel gave him a stern look, holding him back. "If you hurt my sister, you'll have to deal with me, got it memorized?"

"Got it. I will do everything I can to prevent that from happening," he promised wholeheartedly. "I promise."

Axel grinned, giving him a pat on his back. "Good. Then we're clear."

As they entered the living room as well — Kairi had waited for him, giving him a curious glance — Axel went on ahead into the kitchen while he stopped next to her and wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Oh, you must be Roxas, then," a woman with short, blue hair said as she rushed towards them before Kairi could open her mouth and he had seen her try. He bit back a smile as she rolled her eyes, giving him an apologetic smile. "I'm Aqua, Kairi's mother."

"Nice to meet you," he said politely as he extended his hand to greet her.

For a second he thought her brother had come back into the room, but the triangles under the eyes had gone missing and he realised that this guy was probably her father. "Hi," the man said, his grin identical to his son's. It was almost unsettling. "The name's Lea. Nice to meet you."

"Likewise," he said, slightly flabbergasted at the similarities between father and son.

He wondered whether he looked this much like his father, too. He hoped not.

So far, though, he didn't really see any signs of distrust that Kairi had very clearly displayed at their first encounter. He wondered whether they were keeping it in check for Kairi's sake or whether they lacked it completely.

He couldn't help but be curious, yet he had no idea on how to gain answers to the questions he had.

He didn't _want_ them to be distrustful of him, after all.

Luckily, help - if you could call it that - was on their way as they were having dinner a bit later that evening.

"Well, you've passed the test," Axel told him with a grin. "As soon as she heard that the two of you started going out, ma checked all the systems for your name at the police station."

He felt a small rush of coldness run through his veins. " _Police..._ station?" he asked as nonchalantly as he could, trying to cover up the panic he could feel pounding in his neck as his heartbeat picked up.

"Oh, hush," Aqua said to her son, though she seemed a bit flustered. " _I just said_ that I hadn't heard of him before, that's all. Don't worry, sweetie," she said to him with a reassuring smile. "I'm a police officer, so if I haven't heard of you that's a good thing. In my book, at least."

He was dating a law student with a cop as her mother.

He really couldn't have made this up and it was so unnerving for a second that it was almost hilarious if it hadn't been so freaking dangerous.

"I suppose," he said, rubbing the back of his neck with an awkward chuckle. "Well, I guess that explains your choice of career, huh?" he said to Kairi, who smiled back with a small shrug.

"So, are you still studying as well?" Lea asked, something shimmering in his green eyes.

He had been prepared for this and he would be as truthful as he could be.

He wouldn't have to lie, either, at least not completely. He would just leave out some details.

"I'm doing a couple of business courses," he said. "I help out in my father's business, too."

"Have we heard of it?" Aqua asked interestedly.

He hoped not.

He shook his head. "I don't think so, it's not that big. The main activities consist from advising other companies," he said, knowing that was how the legal part was known of his father's business.

Advice… what a bunch of bullshit. Well, it gave him at least something to refer to.

"Well, that should give you a lot of experience," Lea said thoughtfully. "You can put everything you've learned into practice right away… Quite helpful indeed."

He tried not to think of his daily tasks and his gained 'experience' much as he smiled back. "Yeah. I'm really lucky to have such an opportunity."

They'd hang him if they knew. No, they'd skin him if they knew.

"Honestly, Kairi," Axel said, giving her a teasingly flick against her arm. "Did you really nearly break your neck for such a nice guy, huh?"

She flushed a little. "Shut up."

Aqua shook her head at her son before she turned to him again with a smile. "Don't worry too much about that either, dear. That's my fault, anyway. I always told Kairi that she should always run from situations that feel wrong, just to make sure that it's not the one out of ten times that something really is wrong. It's not you personally."

Oh, it _had_ been him, for _very_ personal reasons, all right.

He was definitely the one out of ten times that something was wrong.

"Oh, I know," he said with a smile as he wrapped his arm around Kairi. "Well, I have to say I was quite impressed. No one's ever done that before, so it was definitely a first for me."

She was still a bit embarrassed but she grinned at him nevertheless. "I had to leave a lasting impression, right? It's hard to stand out these days."

He raised his brow as he teasingly twirled a strand of her hair around his finger. "Right… Having red hair really is kind of plain. Didn't even notice it, either."

She laughed and he saw from the corner of his eyes that her parents visibly relaxed.

He realised the warning from her brother had been more serious than he had expected.

They probably all had the same developed sense of danger, though they had based it off of Kairi's stories, probably, mixed with the usual worry that parents had.

He felt more relaxed too, for some reason.

He really felt, in that moment, that she was as safe as she could be, cherished by so many, and that thought put him at ease.

After dinner, Kairi led him up to her bedroom so they could retreat for apartment hunting and as he had forgotten his laptop (he rarely took that along with him on his dates anyway), she had offered him hers.

That was why he was laying on her bed, his head resting on her lap as he scrolled through different vacant apartments, hoping to find one that was appropriate.

He really had to find a new one that was suitable for him and the scarce moments he could share with her.

She was running her hand through his hair, which was quite nice, as it relaxed him.

He had been quite tense and the soft gesture was making him shiver in a strange sense of relief and calmness.

"What about that one?" she suddenly said, pointing to an advertisement that he had originally scrolled past. "That one seems nice, doesn't it?"

"It's a bit too big," he said thoughtfully. "I'm looking for something a bit smaller."

"Your place is already too cramped," she protested. "If you're moving out, you might as well get something a little bit bigger, you know."

He smiled at her a little. "That's more expensive, too, you know," he said, a bit amused.

The money itself wasn't necessarily the problem, but he had to make sure that she wouldn't know that he had way too much to spend.

He would have to justify the origins and he wouldn't be able to talk himself out of that one.

Besides, with his father claiming most of his money for the upcoming two years, he wouldn't have as much as he used to have either, anyway.

"Yeah," she sighed, twirling a strand of his hair around her finger. "I guess that would be a problem."

She kept silent as he continued his search, her slim fingers barely brushing past the skin on his scalp and he swore his brain itself had goosebumps all over.

"You know," she finally said again, sounding rather surprised as her ministrations stopped for a second. "There's glitters in your hair. Did you nuzzle with an unicorn?"

He cursed inwardly, freezing slightly.

As he recovered, he shook his head as his thoughts swirled through his mind like a hurricane, coming up with something plausible, anything. "Nah, there… there was this girl in our workgroup today who had sprayed some in her hair for… I dunno… a party or something. That shit gets everywhere," he added in a heartfelt complaint.

It did. It did get everywhere but he would rather kill himself than tell her how it got on him.

"Oh, I see," she said, sounding so understanding that his heart constricted. "Yeah, that stuff does get everywhere. Poor you and everyone else. You'll have to walk around with that for quite a while, I'm afraid."

He reached out to touch her cheek. "Sorry," he said, really wanting to apologise for the fact he had slept with other women, though he didn't say that out loud and instead apologised for something else. "I'm no fun tonight."

"That's okay," she said at once, her attention back on his hair. "This is important, too. I'm just happy to be with you."

"Yeah," he sighed. He was happy to be with her too. He really did see her too little. It tore at his heart that he had to leave in a few hours again.

"Can you get that advertisement again?" she asked quietly.

"What? For the bigger apartment?" he asked distractedly, scrolling back to find it.

"Yeah."

He flipped through the pictures again, narrowing his eyes as he studied them. "It looks good, I'll give you that. But Kairi, that's way too expensive for me."

"What if there were two paying for it?" she said rather shyly.

He sat up, staring at her. "Two paying for it? You want me to share it with someone?"

She was a bit flustered, folding her hands in her lap, smiling a bit nervously at him. "I mean... unless you don't want me to… to live with you."

He wanted to shout out in both excitement and absolute terror.

Living with her would be amazing; coming home to her every single day seemed to make everything so much more worth the pain he was going through.

Yet, living with her would make things just so much harder, especially as he would not always come home every single day. How would he explain not being able to come home at night at times?!

Those things happened and would happen more often as he would have to manage a double workload! He would have absolutely no excuse whatsoever.

"Are you sure?" he said, his voice a bit higher and coming faster as he felt terribly conflicted. "I mean, I live very irregular. I don't always come home at night and-"

"Oh, no," she said quickly as she interrupted him, pressing her hand over his mouth. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to panic you. Sorry. I just thought," she added in a softer tone, dropping her hand. "I just thought it would be nice, you know. I don't care if you come back late, early or sometimes not at all. That's the same as it is now, too, isn't it? I just… I want to be with you as much as possible," she started to talk faster and faster as she got embarrassed, running a hand through her hair. "I have to move out soon anyway and I thought, why not share a place with you instead of with someone I don't know and-"

"Kairi," he gently interrupted her. "I think it would be amazing. Really. I'm just a little concerned whether or not you might feel alone if we would."

"I won't," she said at once, giving him a hopeful glance. "I won't get in your way either. I promise."

He reached out to cup her face, as careful as he could, before he pressed a soft kiss against her lips, feeling strangely overwhelmed.

She couldn't be real; there was no way she was for real.

Her mind really worked backwards and for her, being as cautious as she was, her overwhelming trust in him was out of this world. It was _out_ of this world.

He should pinch himself.

"So, wait… Was that a 'yes'?" she asked quietly in between kisses, almost shy.

"Obviously," he said, grinning a little as she pulled him back to her.  
He would make it work somehow.

He would have his own place which he could share with her.

His heart swelled at the thought that he would be able to have a home, for real. With her.

What were two years if he could have that?

* * *

Even though he had already contacted Sora before, he still felt a bit nervous.

Kairi had her arm linked through his, giving his upper arm a soft squeeze with her free hand as he reached out with a trembling hand to ring the bell.

Sora opened the door, surprise clear on his face as his eyes widened.

Then, his expression became cautious, though he could see the shimmers of amusement in the familiar blue eyes of his brother.

He was ready to play his part and it was hard not to smile at that.

Damn his brother.

"Roxas."

"Hi, Sora," he said, his voice trembling with the effort of keeping his laughter down, though it may have looked like he was really nervous. "It's been a while."

His brother hadn't changed much throughout the years. His brown hair was still defying gravity, and there was no visible proof of him having grown older. Young forever… it did sound like Sora, now that he thought about it.

He could see Sora was fighting the urge to grin and trying to look severe, too, though to Kairi, it might've looked as if he was looking for words. "So… er, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to apologize," he said sincerely — even though he had done so already — before glancing down at Kairi with a smile. "And I wanted you to meet Kairi, my girlfriend. Kairi, this is Sora, my little brother."

Sora had already been glancing at her curiously as he extended his hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise," she said brightly. "I've heard a lot about you."

Sora gave him a look, raising his eyebrow.

He shrugged; even though Sora had never finished one girl, he knew protocols as much as anyone else in their field of expertise.

He couldn't really explain that now, though. It would have to wait... and Sora could probably already guess that much for himself.

"Well, come in, then," he said, as if he had to be convinced.

As he passed his brother, Sora gave him a gentle pat on his back, grinning slightly.

He, too, felt slightly giddy about getting to see his brother again.

As Kairi had sat down on the couch, she glanced up at him expectantly.

He took a deep breath as he sat down next to her.

Right, he was supposed to do an elaborate apology.

He had practised last night. He would never admit that, though, especially not to his younger brother.

"Sora, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean those things I said to you and I'm sorry I haven't apologised sooner. I've been an idiot."

Sora lost the battle against himself and grinned. "Thank you. I've said some stupid things, too, so I'm sorry too."

Kairi seemed rather surprised at the speed of their apology, but Sora gave her a bright smile as he folded his arms behind his head. "This guy's hella stubborn, you know. It can take him a long time to be able to apologise and it takes a lot out of me to be patient enough to wait for it."

She smiled up at him, ruffling her hand through his hair. "He means well, though," she said to Sora.

Sora cast a cautious glance at him before he cleared his throat. "So, er… this is rather new to me," Sora said earnestly as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Roxas usually doesn't really date, so I can't help but be curious," he added with a slight smirk on his face. "How did the two of you meet?"

He bit back a smile. Sora didn't waste any time at all; he probably had been waiting for this moment ever since the phone call.

He probably wanted to ask her that question ever since she had appeared on his doorstep.

"Oh, that's a funny story, actually," Kairi said, a very slight blush covering her cheeks. "I, er… ran off."

Even though Sora's acting was very poor, he did a rather decent job on portraying confusion. "Ran… off?"

"She escaped through the restroom window," he clarified again, grinning at Sora's attempt to keep in his laughter. "I should've listened to you when you told me my pick-up lines were crap."

"No, wait," Kairi interrupted as Sora's eyes started to tear up while trying to hold in his laughter. "Before you laugh at me, I do want to point out he was out with this very creepy guy and he was approaching me and my friend almost… well, predatorily," she added slightly accusing as she raised her brow at him. "I really felt like I had to get out of there. Even so," she finally said with a tender smile. "I came across him later and he turned out to be the complete opposite of what I thought he was."

He knew his brother already knew what she had picked up on that faithful day, but Sora burst out in laughter anyway, though his amusement must've gotten from something else. "I wish I could've seen your face after you found out she'd escaped you."

"I didn't stay long enough to see it," Kairi said rather amused. "I would've liked to see it, though."

He kept quiet as Sora continued asking Kairi questions; he knew his brother was really curious and he had every right to be.

He had wrapped his arm around her shoulder and drew lazy circles with this thumb over her shoulder and upper arm as he listened to her.

It was rather amusing that even though Sora had never truly been in business, the same sense of alarm flashed in his eyes at her mentioning her law school and her mother being part of the police like it had probably done in his, too, when he heard.

He found it also rather endearing that she was telling Sora enthusiastically about their plans for the apartment.

To him, it was only a matter of paying the rent every month and a place to be able to spend time with her instead of having her over in the same place he also used for work.

To her, it was a whole new, exciting step forward and she was fussing over the smallest of details.

It was cute, to him, at least. And, as it turned out, to his brother, too.

He could see the admiration in his brother's eyes and that somehow made him feel relaxed too.

There was at least someone in his family he could entrust her to if things got really bad.

* * *

As they finally stood up to leave and Sora went with them to see them out, Sora gently wrapped his arms around Kairi.

"You have _no idea_ how glad I am that he met you," Sora said quietly to her as he let her go.

She smiled almost bashfully as she brushed her fingertips past his to intertwine her fingers with his. "I'm very lucky to have met him too," she said, though he wasn't sure whether that was meant for him or Sora.

Well, he would beg to differ - he had always thought of her to be very unlucky in that way -, but he was glad she thought better of it. Maybe she was lucky for being able to give him a change of heart.

He reached out to give his younger brother a hug too, though he didn't let go of her hand. "Take care."

"Yeah. Do call me sometimes," Sora said with a grin.

"I will," he said, grinning back.

He was glad that his 'private life' was getting a head start.

Everything was working out just fine and that made him having to work so much harder a lot easier.

He knew that if he couldn't be there to take care of his girlfriend, there was always someone ready to help out if she needed help.

He just had to work twenty-two more months before he could devote himself entirely to a much more peaceful life.

He was almost safe. Almost.

* * *

"Your brother looks a lot like you," she said suddenly as they were on their way to her place.

"You think?"

She nodded, smiling a little. "Yeah, even though you two have different mothers. You seem to understand each other rather well… I can't imagine what your fight could've been about."

"We've had a ton of fights," he said rather evasively. "Sora's much more childish in some ways and definitely more mature in other ways. We tend to clash a lot over things like that, though I do understand where he's coming from."

"Well," she said, resting her head against his shoulder as they walked. "I think you were really brave. It's always hard to own up to your mistakes."

"Thank you for coming with me," he said, pressing a kiss on top op her head. "That helped."

"Have you really not dated before?" she asked him rather shyly. "Sora seemed quite surprised."

"Not really," he said, feeling that was the truth.

He had dated, technically speaking, but it was never for real., not for him, anyway. He never meant it quite like he meant it now.

"That surprises me," she said thoughtfully. "You seem very experienced if that makes sense."

"Well," he said earnestly. "I have been with a couple of girls, I guess, but it's never gotten quite serious and I've never really been with anyone like I've been with you. That's why Sora's never seen one of them, and why he has met you, now."

She nodded, still a little lost in thought. "I see. That makes sense."

"Jealous?" he asked her teasingly, as she had absolutely nothing to be jealous of.

He had never before experienced something so overwhelming as this and he was willing to bet everything he had on her.

There was no one who could surpass her in that way, but he did enjoy her flustered expression.

She didn't disappoint as she flushed a bright red. "N-not exactly. You're not seeing them anymore, are you?"

That was a difficult question, phrased exactly right, as she often did.

He was still seeing most of them; once a month, to be exact.

It was just to collect money in exchange for the usual amount of drugs (or slightly less, depending on their earnings), so he figured he wouldn't really be lying if he said 'no'.

He could hardly call that business-like exchange 'seeing someone'. "No, of course not," he reassured her.

She smiled at him. "I'm glad. I mean," she added quietly. "I do trust you, but sometimes my mind just wanders off to some dark corners… and you've been working really hard lately, so I haven't really seen you all that much."

"I'm sorry," he said wholeheartedly. He really didn't want to put her through those kinds of doubts, though they were partially justified (which he hated) and partially unnecessary because there really wasn't anyone he wanted to see so badly as her.

She shook her head, beaming up at him before he could say anything else. "It's all right," she assured him. "I'm relieved that you take your future seriously, honestly! It's just that it gets lonely at times," she added with a shrug. "I'm glad I don't have to worry about you cheating on me on top of that."

A sharp sting of pain coursed through him.

He didn't deserve her trust at all.

Even so, he wanted so desperately to be worthy of her never-ending faith. "Of course not," he said, feeling miserable at having to lie.

He could hardly tell her that he was sleeping with multiple women and sometimes all of them on the same day, these days. "I promise, as soon as I've gotten my certificates, I'll have more time to spend with you."

She gave a playful, slight tug at his sleeve. "Hey, don't worry about it. Besides, I'll be quite busy too, as I'll have to do research for my thesis soon. That'll take me quite some time, too, you know."

"Yeah, I might just be the one feeling lonely," he said jokingly.

She stuck her tongue at him. "Yeah, all the hot judges who are ancient in comparison to me might be tempting after all my isolation."

He burst out in laughter. "How will I ever win from such a threat?"

She giggled. "You won't, that's the thing, you're just not ancient enough. No, honestly," she added with a soft sigh. "Besides, we will live together very soon. That'll be fun, right?"

"Yeah," he said, the corners of his lips turned upwards at that thought.

"I really hope we get invited by the owner again," she said, a bit anxious now. "I really, really like the apartment."

"We'll get it," he promised her. Even if they weren't invited again to talk things through, they would get it. He'd buy the entire building if he had to. "I'm sure."

"I hope so," she said, her warm fingers still intertwined with his. "We'll have to wait and see."

Twenty-two months, he told himself as he gently brushed his thumb over the back of her hand.

Twenty-two months and he wouldn't have to worry about having to keep so many secrets anymore.

Twenty-two months and he would be exactly the guy she thought she was dating.

The past would cease to matter at some point and there would be nothing standing in between the two of them.

He almost couldn't wait for that moment.

* * *

He suppressed a yawn, fiddling with his keys as he tried to a) find the right key and b) keep his eyes open at the same time.

His legs were shaking and his body was hurting all over.

His stomach hurt, his head was pounding and he was feeling rather dizzy.

At this point, he had no idea whether this was because of the exhaustion or because of the pills he was taking to be able to last throughout his dates during the day and night.

Finally, as he fumbled with the lock, the door opened and he went inside, closing the door behind him as silently as he could.

If he were on his own, he would probably have gone straight to bed, but he knew what he smelled like and he most definitely didn't want her to smell that.

Besides, even _he_ himself didn't want to smell like that.

With a soft grunt, he kicked out his shoes and managed to stumble into the bathroom.

The warm water was welcome on his sore muscles and his skin finally stopped crawling as if a million ants were running just underneath his skin.

He shut the water off, got out and dried himself off rather sloppily.

He was too tired to care at his point, his hair still dripping wet.

He managed to step into a clean set of boxers and made his way into the dark bedroom, where he became as still as a statue and stopped breathing.

He could hear the clock ticking regularly, her breathing slow and steady as she was fast asleep.

His eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness and as he started breathing again, he could see her figure on the bed.

Very cautiously, he moved over to his side.

Holding his breath again, he lifted the sheets and tried to float his way into the bed.

This, however, as he should've expected, did not go according to plan.

The mattress creaked like the devil had used it as a trampoline when he stepped into bed and he could feel her stir.

He closed his eyes, praying that she would not wake up as he forcibly pressed his head down into his pillow.

 _Don't wake up, don't wake up, don't wake up.  
_  
She did wake up, though.

"…Roxas?"

She sounded as tired as he was.

With a pang of guilt, he realised she must've been waiting for him for quite some time before she had finally decided to go to bed.

"Sorry," he whispered back. "I didn't mean to wake you."

She rubbed her right eye with her hand as she yawned. "How late is it?"

"Pretty late," he mumbled as he flipped over on his side, facing her.

He reached out to stroke her hair with his hand. "Go back to sleep," he ordered her softly.

She hummed in agreement, nuzzling closer to him, her face resting against his chest. "I'm glad you're home," she murmured, almost slurring a little in her drowsiness. "I love you," she added in a sigh that could've been his imagination.

"I love you, too," he said, for the millionth time that day, but the first time he actually meant it as he tucked her head underneath his chin and closed his eyes with a content sigh of his own.

It was good to be back.

Fifteen months to go.

* * *

 **Good night or good morning. At this point in the night, I'm not sure which it is anymore, haha. Sorry for weird sentences or grammar or anything, I'm not really awake anymore at this point.**

 **Anyway, happy September! I hope you all had a good one. A busy one, for most, haha.**

 **I... uh, went a little overboard. Most chapters are not this long, but as it's titled dedication and determination, I decided to show you some of mine.**

 **That's just an excuse, though, so for those of you who enjoy longer chapters, you're welcome. For those of you who prefer them short, uh, sorry.**

 **Good night/morning/afternoon and I'll talk to you next month,**

 **Lots of love,**

 **Your author.**


	10. The Countdown

**Intuition**

* * *

 _Chapter Eight_

The Countdown

* * *

He had to suppress a yawn. He was tired, no, exhausted.

He had already showered at 'work'; this apartment might have gathered some dust throughout the months, but it was still rather convenient to take small breaks.

It was easier to live a double life when he had two separate 'home' units, though he considered his shared apartment his 'home' and the other one his 'work place', as terrible as it sounded.

He would be home for dinner (because he'd feel awful all day if he wouldn't see her until tomorrow evening), but he'd have to go out tonight again. All night, too.

Then, some patrols in the morning, a brief period of time to sleep in the afternoon, then some more dates and then he would go out to pick up new girls.

He'd be back at eleven o'clock in the evening, or so he hoped.

With a bit of luck, Kairi would still be awake at that time, too.

He opened the door in the middle of his calculations when a strange kind of strangled sniffle froze him to the spot, his hand still on the doorknob and the other one still clutched around the key of the apartment, one foot over the doorway, the other one still in the hallway of the building.

"Kairi?"

She didn't respond, and he couldn't hear anything else coming from the living room.

He cautiously closed the door and entered the living room as quiet as he could.

"Kairi?" he tried again, glancing around to look for her.

She'd been working at the kitchen table; there were books piled up, files with papers spread across the table, markers and colored tabs everywhere.

Even so, she was on the opposite end of the room, on the couch, hiding under a blanket.

That, or there was a dead body in his apartment, which he highly doubted as he could see her breathe.

"Hey," he said gently, sitting down on his knees next to her as he lifted the blanket off her face. "You okay?"

She was not okay, and he could've guessed that much.

She had her arms folded over her eyes, but the corners of her lips were pointing down, her bottom lip trembling and there were tear tracks glistening on her cheeks.

He had never seen her cry up until that point and even though it seemed to be the aftermath of whatever had made her cry, he hated it instantly.

She should never have to cry.

"Oh, babe," he sighed, pulling her up against him. "What happened?"

She broke out in sobs as a reply, pressing her face against his shoulder as she held onto him for dear life.

He let her, locking his jaw as he stroke her back.

No, he absolutely hated this. She, of all people, should not be hurt.

As her figure shook under the violent breathy gasps throughout the sobs, every tremble seemed to tear him down.

His heart constricted and he had to swallow against a lump in his throat and he felt so helpless with the amount of grief she had apparently accumulated inside of her that he could feel his own eyes water.

He hadn't cried in years. _Years._

In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he had cried.

Yet, all it took for his gaze to blur with saltiness were her tears.

It broke his heart.

He wanted to punch someone in the face, punish whoever was responsible for this.

She started to calm down after a few minutes. "Sorry," she mumbled. "I ruined your shirt," she added as she tried to dry his sleeve with hers.

"That's okay," he said with a shrug as the shirt was the least of his concerns, studying her face cautiously. "Kairi, what happened?"

She took a deep breath and averted her gaze to the window.

He suspected it was because she would cry again if she met his gaze. "For my research, I… I need to read a lot of literature and court rulings, you know, nothing new. It's just that… Some of them… are not that much fun… to read…"

"What kind of court rulings did you read?" he said as she rubbed her hands over her knees, a bit astounded at the amount of impact those rulings had on her. If someone had beaten her up on the street, her response would make a lot more sense.

Weren't court rulings just pages with boring judge talk, anyway?

He had been to a trial of one of his former colleagues to make sure they wouldn't blab, but it had been extremely boring to him.

He couldn't understand how that could have possibly upset her.

She shook her head. "There have been a couple of definition changes in the field and the court rulings those changes are based on were all kinds of… sex offenses."

"I see," he said quietly, feeling rather alarmed.

He wasn't that well informed considering her studies in general, but that topic in particular, well, he knew all the ins and outs. Quite… literally.

It wasn't something he wanted her to get involved in, not even like this.

He started to see why she had been so upset and why she had needed to 'hide' herself from the world for a moment.

His own head was starting to throb painfully as he thought of ways to evade this subject and at the same time comfort her.

She glanced up at him. "The fact reports were especially hard to get through," she said, mimicking the volume of his voice. "I think it's awful someone can even think of doing such things to someone else."

He reached out to brush his hand over her cheek. "You really shouldn't take those things personally," he offered as she moved forward to wrap her arms around his neck again.

"I know," she said as he moved his hand from her face to her back again. "It's just… they're real. It has happened for real. Somewhere, in this country, there have been sick people doing all kinds of… sick things to other human beings and it makes me feel… sick to read about them."

He pressed a kiss against her forehead. "It's not your fault they have happened."

"I can imagine what it must've felt like, though," she said with a very soft sniffle. "The victim statement broke me. I… I couldn't read past that. It was awful."

"Kairi," he sighed, feeling his stomach drop like a brick inside his body as he imagined for a moment what it would be like if his women got to tell their stories to his girlfriend. He should probably punch himself in the face, after all. "I'm sorry."

She whimpered. "I don't want to read them again. But I'll have to. Eventually."

"How about this," he suggested as he pulled away to look at her, smiling at her. "Read other, more boring ones when I'm out and read these upsetting ones when I'm here with you. It's easier to keep an emotional distance if there's someone else around, isn't it?"

She nodded, smiling back just a little bit and he reached out to dry her cheeks. "Sorry you had to go through that by yourself," he added as she kept quiet.

She buried her face in his sweater again. "You'll have to go out again tonight, right?" she asked rather muffled as she was talking through the fabric of his sweater.

"Yeah," he said regretfully. "I'm sorry."

"S'okay," she muttered, smiling up at him, her eyes starting to smile along again. "Just a while longer, right?"

"Just a while longer," he said, pulling her a little closer as he firmly closed his eyes.

Just another year. He had survived one.

Twelve more months to go.

* * *

He stared at his private phone, the white light illuminating his face as he was standing outside at three o'clock in the morning on the crappy little balcony that was attached to the apartment.

It was a cloudy night, so there weren't many stars out and the moon was mostly covered, but he wasn't really looking anyway.

She was smiling back at him with the radiant smile he was missing so much and he sighed as he leaned over the railing, gazing back at the picture.

She had sounded so sad on the phone when he had called her a couple of hours before.

He missed her, too.

It was awful enough that he barely saw her at home, it was even worse now that he had to go abroad to reach his quota.

If it wasn't for his father, who hadn't really liked it that he was meeting all of the requirements so far, he would still be at home with her.

His father had demanded he went abroad to spread their influence, whatever the hell that might mean.

He felt numb. It was harder to do his job properly because of it.

All had depended on his ability to 'charm', yet even he himself thought he had lost it somewhere along the way.

It would've been too much for anyone to take and it proved to be too much for him to take, too.

Even so, he knew he could be persuasive and that should have to do.

Just a couple of more months. Just eight more…

It was too abstract, he could barely wrap his mind around a number that great, though he had survived for a lot more than that.

He needed something a little closer to home, quite literally.

Just a week until he'd be back with her.

He closed his eyes as he locked his phone and stuffed it in his pocket. "Just a week," he muttered against the cold wind. "Just seven days."

Trying to cheer himself up, he thought about the hidden package in his suitcase.

After all, though it seemed like an eternity, the moment there would be an end to those eight months of slavery.

He'd be a free, normal guy, his past only tightly locked in his memory.

There was no other way to celebrate that than to bind himself down again, was there? How ironic, though the idea was enough to cheer him up in this awful, empty mood he was in.

He smiled, his eyes still closed as a couple of minor worries started to plague him.

He let them do so because they made the major ones much more bearable.

 _Would she like it?_

 _Was it too small?_

 _Was it already too expensive?_

He was sure it was just perfect, though.

He had seen a whole bunch of them (he had to admit it was kinda weird to be looking at those things by himself) and this was the only one he was able to imagine her wearing it around her finger, to begin with.

 _Would she say yes?_

Eight to go.

* * *

These moments were rare, but they always gave him more energy to hold on, just a little while longer.

He was leaning back on the new couch she had insisted on buying a couple of months ago (and though he had protested, he could barely form a thought of protest in his mind at the comfort of the damned thing) and she was seated in between his legs, her head resting against his chest as she was reading more material for her thesis.

He was too tired to really do anything else, so he took satisfaction in just resting a hand on her stomach as he folded his other arm behind his head, closing his eyes as he listened to the rain outside.

"You know," she suddenly said. "I used to think the criminality rates in our area were pretty much under control, but they really aren't, after all."

"There's always burglars going around," he said with a faint shrug as he nuzzled his face in her hair. "Surprisingly they always stop by Sora's. I told him to stop leaving his window open."

She giggled a little at the tickling sensation. "No, stop! I didn't mean theft, I meant illegal prostitution activities and substance abuse."

"Oh," he said, a bit alarmed, his eyes flying open at once. "Really?"

She nodded as her gaze returned to the screen. "Yeah, it's been reaching peaks for years now. The mayor plans on shutting down a couple of brothels… as if that helps."

"You don't think that'll help?" he said, a bit cautiously. He didn't think so either, but he had hoped she'd believe it like the rest of the city seemed to do.

She shook her head, glancing up at him. "Nah, I've looked at the statistics. Most of the prostitutes are underage, completely addicted, though their backgrounds are fairly normal? I think we're dealing with either very ambitious pimps or loverboys here. Closing brothels is not the remedy for that, they'll just start new ones or distribute to the ones still open."

He tried to keep his breathing low so his heart rate wouldn't go up. _Crap_. He didn't like the fact that she was well-informed on the subject. It made him feel uneasy. "Could be," he said evasively. "But how would you put a stop to that, then?"

She remained silent for a little while, gazing blindly at the window. Then, she nodded slowly, more to herself. "Yeah, there'd be no other way but dig up the entire organization, I think. They hardly operate on their own, they need someone else to secure their privacy, so to speak. Some others to back them up if necessary."

"That sounds plausible," he said, keeping his voice steady. "But doesn't that go too far for just your thesis?"

"Yeah," she sighed, much to his relief. "Though I do think I can sum up a couple of possibilities to turn in some of those organizations, I can't do more research in how those possibilities would work out. I simply don't have the time… but maybe if I can postpone my graduation a bit longer—"

"Kairi," he said, a little firm this time. She was getting off track and getting dangerously close at the same time. "I'd rather you wouldn't."

She turned to him again, a questioning look in her eyes. "Why not?" she said indignantly. "If I could help at least a couple of those poor girls, heck, even if I could help one, that would—"

The thought of her working her way underground terrified him to no end. "Kairi," he said, sitting up a bit to cup her face. "Listen to me. Please stay out of their business and let the professionals handle it. Please."

"But—"

"It's too dangerous," he said, his voice trembling a little now; his control was breaking as he started to panic a little. If he couldn't stop her…—no, he had to. He wasn't working his butt off to get above ground to have her lower down at the same time. There was no way, he wouldn't have it. "You won't be able to get out if you get in too deep."

"I'll be careful," she said soothingly.

"What about them?" he said, feeling like a severe hypocrite. "Those girls been warned before, don't you think? They said they'd be careful too. Besides, those guys play by different rules and they do not hesitate in using violence."

She frowned a little but kept quiet as she rested her right hand on top of his. "I know," she sighed. "I know that."

"Please," he pleaded. "You're already doing those… girls a huge favor by giving the authorities a theoretic framework for trying to catch the ones responsible, please don't get further involved."

"I just want to help," she murmured, averting her gaze. "After everything I've read... I really just want to help them out."

"And you are," he said as convincingly as he could as he gently pulled her face towards his to rest his forehead against hers.

 _Please don't get involved.  
_  
 _Please don't find out, it's too early.  
_  
She smiled a little. "Fine. I won't go out there to do some fieldwork," she promised as she leaned in to press a light kiss on his lips. "I'll just finish up writing my thesis and see what they do with it."

"Good," he said, though, in all honesty, he was a bit concerned about the aftermath of her thesis. If it was as good as it started to sound like, his father's business was in huge danger and he'd rather be out of there before it was too late. "How much do you still have to do?"

Her smile broadened. "It'll take a couple of months, probably. I mean, I'm pretty much done with writing, but I still need to talk to my tutor, they have to read it first after all to give feedback, I need to incorporate that, repeat the whole thing over and over, you know the drill."

"Oh," he said, hugely relieved as he wrapped his arms around her to pull her into a hug. "You're practically done, then."

" _Almost_ ," she corrected him, grinning. "But you are almost done, too, right? Before you can graduate?"

"Yes, ma'am," he said as he pressed a soft kiss on top of her head. "Just four months left."

"I'm excited," she said with a very soft giggle. "I don't know what to do with myself if you'll be here every day after a regular day of work. We'd almost be _normal_!"

He laughed, hugging her even tighter. "We'll get there, one day."

Just four months to go.

Now he just had to make sure he got the hell out of business before Kairi's thesis was ready, too.

The stakes were raising and he still had some time to go.

Everything was on the line now.

Four more months.

* * *

 **Welcome back!**

 **Man, I really didn't think I was going to manage October, haha. Guess I did, after all. The story was written down way earlier but I'm just not happy with it.**

 **This chapter drained me, but I managed my deadline! That's something!**

 **Ah, maybe a little bit of insight information would do here. As you may or may not know, I'm studying for my degree Tax Law. Even though it's a completely different field of expertise, I'm quite fond of the Law section of my studies. I even followed extra courses considering criminal law and procedural law and such. I can tell you from experience that those court rulings Kairi has been reading in this chapter can be rough. The worst crimes arrive at court, too, which means that all the gruesome and awful details are described as well. It takes a lot to stomach that and I would like to remind you that there have been judges who have been traumatized by the cases that they had to decide in. It's saddening that some humans can perform acts that rule out their humanity at a certain point.**

 **Anyway, that's enough for me today. I'll see you in November (hopefully) for the finale of this story.**

 **Lots of love,**

 **Your author**


	11. The Final Bet

**Intuition**

* * *

 _Chapter Nine  
_

The Final Bet

* * *

He had come home, sighing as he leaned his head against their front door.

He had forgotten what 'well-rested' felt like and as he opened the lock, he pushed open the door with his head, stumbling inside a bit.

She was inside, the radio was on, ever so slightly. Still up, too.

He shook his head a bit as he glanced at his watch, taking off his coat.

As he entered the living room, he saw her sitting at the dining table, her head resting on her keyboard of her laptop, unmoving as her hands lay limply on the table.

"Kairi?"

She didn't respond, but as he went to check on her, he could hear her soft breathing. She was asleep. Just asleep. He breathed out a sigh of relief; she really had looked like she was dead for a second there.

"You stubborn woman," he muttered under his breath as he gently shoved the laptop away, replacing it with his arm so she wouldn't fall face-first into the table.

He then shoved her chair away with his foot and tried to lift her up.

It would normally not have been so hard, but he was tired too and he could barely keep himself standing.

It might've been because of that reason that she woke up in the end.

"Roxas?"

 _At least he had tried_.

"Yeah," he grunted a little, hating his trembling arms. "What's up?"

"Oh my gosh, I fell asleep!" she cried out, immediately struggling against his grip. "No, let me go! I'm not finished."

"Oh, heck no," he said sternly, clenching his teeth as he was losing balance. "You're going to bed!"

"No!" she complained. "I have so much work to do!"

"Then get up early tomorrow," he instructed her, kicking the bedroom door shut behind them.

"There's no persuading you?" she asked with a smirk as he had put her down on the edge of the bed.

"Nope," he said, dropping face first onto the bed, though he kept a hold on her wrist to keep her from escaping.

She rolled him over and planted a kiss on his lips.

He sighed a little at the warm sensation, kissing her back as he rested his free hand on the back of her head.

As her kiss started to imply more than just ' _hey, I'm going to sleep, good night_ ', he grunted again. "Kairi, I'm tired."

"Then let me go," she whispered, her breath haunting over his face as she kissed him gently on the tip of his nose.

"Never," he said, mustering a little playfulness from within the depths of his soul.

"So be it," she chanted, getting on top of him quite determinedly and he couldn't help but laugh.

"How dare you resort to something so low?" he said as he closed his eyes, though he honestly didn't even think about stopping her whatsoever.

"Well, it depends on how you look at it," she said teasingly, her hands already roaming over his chest. "It all depends on what circumstances are present in the current case."

"I hate your law studies," he grunted. "Stop them at once and just become a dog owner for the sake of my sanity."

She simply giggled, strangely awake for someone who had been so sleepy before.

He, too, was soon swept up in the heat of the moment, one of his hands cupping her cheek, the other one running up and down her back as she moved against him, the soft sounds barely audible as he was very occupied with her lips, following them as she arched her back against him, her fingers digging into his skin.

He had originally thought he'd tire of it. He was tired of it; just not whenever it was with her.

It was different whenever he slept with her.

He loved her so much it still scared him at times, her figure moving against his was almost sacred and he cherished her more than he had ever cherished something before.

He only dropped his head ever so slightly to press heated kisses on the skin of her neck and he could hear her voice say his name, the sound vibrating against his lips.

It made him clench his teeth as he suppressed the need to go faster; he wanted to take his time as these moments had become so rare, so precious.

The movements were slow, deliberate and so warm, so overwhelming at the same time.

As always, right at the end, however, he lost it as he became desperate, his fingers becoming demanding as she parted her lips against his.

He wanted it, he wanted her, he wanted her love, he wanted everything she had to offer and he always got much more than what he had asked for.

She gasped his name as he could feel her nails dig into the skin of his back, her legs trembling as she clenched so hard around him that she tipped him off the edge, too, with so much power that his eyes rolled back as he tightened his grip on her as if he was afraid she'd vanish if he didn't hold on as much as he did.

They caught their breath as they slumped against each other, his weariness coming back in full force as they fell back on the bed. He couldn't even open his eyes anymore.

"Love you," she whispered somewhat underneath his ear.

"Love you too," he muttered, almost slurring in his drowsiness.

He barely felt her slip off of him and wasn't really aware of her pulling the covers over him.

He should've known she would have her way, in the end, her lips brushing over his forehead just for the tiniest of seconds before she had gotten back into the living room to finish her work, after all.

His stupid, precious, stubborn, wonderful girl.

He wouldn't find out until morning though, because the next time he woke up, a few hours later, she was tucked underneath his chin, her cheek pressed against his chest and his arms around her as if she had never left in the first place, just as it should be.

* * *

"Excuse me, young lady?"

She glanced around, a bit startled by the voice so close to her.

She didn't really recognise it and she wondered who it was calling out for. _Is he asking for me?_

"Yes, you," the voice sounded amused and belonged to —

Her heart stopped.

Something about the man behind her, smiling a bit, was so familiar that she could only think of — _Roxas_!—

It wasn't her boyfriend, though.

The man was clearly years and years and years older, grey streaks through the blonde hair, lines having carved his face through time.

"Hello?" she said a bit warily.

Something about the coldness in the blue eyes seemed off and it made her feel uncomfortable, almost… alarmed.

The way he moved, the way she could see the muscles connecting from his neck to his shoulders tense… this was bad news.

She automatically took a step back as her eyes started to flash through the street.

There were a couple of cafeterias here, she might be able to get inside one if she really had to.

There were not a lot of people outside who could help her out, but there were always a few staff members inside to help out if she needed them to.

They might call the police, too.

She slipped her hand into the pocket of her jacket, gently grazing her phone.

Roxas had insisted she'd install an 'SOS'- function on it. It would direct her current location with an alarm signal straight to the nearest police station and to his phone, too.

If she really didn't have much time, she could always press that and pray for the best. _Where was that stupid little button?_

"Please don't run," the man said, readjusting his scarf around his neck, hiding a bit in the red fabric. "I won't do anything to you, I promise. I just want to talk. Just for a little bit."

"Who are you?" she demanded, her thumb still hovering above the button on her phone. "What do you want from me?"

The scarf only made him look more suspicious, if she was honest. Yet… he looked so much like — _how could such a man remind her so much of Roxas?_ —

When he smiled again, the similarities struck her so hard she couldn't help but wonder if the two were related. "You are acquainted with someone I know, too."

She almost asked him whether it was Roxas, but she kept her mouth shut, almost as if mentioning his name would be a fierce form of betrayal of the guy she loved so dearly. "So?"

The man took another step closer and she backed one more away, more into the direction of the nearest cafeteria, ready to run for it. "You're very cautious, indeed," the man said thoughtfully. "I see. You have beautiful eyes, though."

She shuddered at the compliment. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Then, the man softened and the smile on his face seemed more genuine. "You do remind me of her, how strange."

"Her?"

His smile turned almost sad. "My wife. She died, years ago."

"Oh," she said, biting on the inside of her cheek as her compassion got the better of her. "I'm sorry."

"Yes, she's gone," the man said, glancing up at the sky momentarily. "Yet he picks you. How strange indeed."

"Who are you talking about?"

The man stuffed his hands in the pockets of his long, black coat. "I'm not supposed to tell you. I really don't wish to get too involved, either. It's all an inconvenience. He has always been."

Her heart turned to ice when the pieces of the puzzle started to fall into place. Roxas's locked jaw whenever she'd bring up his childhood, the look in his eyes when he once explained why he didn't want her to meet his father. The cold words the man just spoke… Could this man be, indeed, his father?

It seemed odd; Roxas turned out to be so warm and caring, yet this man's presence felt so icy cold, so threatening. Yet the similarities were crystal clear at this point.

"You're his father," she stated quietly, taking out her hands from her pockets. Why had this man searched her out? She didn't think he'd hurt her and she thought she could outrun him anyway. He seemed to move a bit slow, after all. Besides, she had something to say to him, too, now.

He nodded. "Don't tell him."

"How dare you call him an inconvenience," she automatically breathed angrily. "He's your son!"

The man smiled again. "You don't know him as well as you should."

"At least I'm giving him the chance to introduce himself to me," she said firmly. "You've clearly given up on him a long time ago."

"From the start," the man said quietly. "That might've been a mistake."

"It was," she said with a nod. "Your loss. He's a great guy."

The man now grinned. "You'll take care of him, won't you?"

"I will," she said firmly.

"Good," the man said, starting to walk, though he clearly intended to move past her. "Then we probably won't meet again."

She didn't move, but as he passed her, he gently patted her head with his hand. "It was good to meet you, Kairi."  
She turned as she watched him go, feeling a bit unsettled.

Should she tell Roxas? He'd be upset, she knew for sure. But to keep secrets from him was not her style. She took out her phone, eyeing it thoughtfully.

Then, she smiled as she put it away again. She had stood up for him against his own father. She had done what she should've done for him.

She decided not to tell him about this; she would have to repeat the shameful things his father had said about his own son and she didn't think it was necessary to do so.

After all, they would become their own family very soon; he could be whoever he wanted to be. Just two more months to go.

* * *

"This is fun," the brown haired girl said, twirling a strand of her hair around her slim fingertips. "We should do this more often," she said to him, smiling broadly. "We never do double dates."

"Yeah, you're right," he said, strangely euphoric.

Vanitas raised his brow at him and he shrugged as the black haired girl started chatting with his brown haired one. It was the easiest way to keep them entertained without actually having to interact.

He was in a very good mood, with good reason.

This was his final month.

Next month, he was free as a bird and hopefully engaged by the end of it.

That was a whole lot to look forward to. He'd also be starting at Twilight Corporation Group next month, he had already signed his contract.

Indeed, he would almost be _normal_.

One very specific Saturday next month was also mancave-day, as his brother-in-law called it - _only Axel could've come up with such a phrase_ -, in which the guys from Kairi's family (basically her dad and her brother) got together for something… _manly_.

He didn't trust Axel all that much whenever he sprouted terms like that, but he was looking forward to it, especially because his own brother could come, too.

It was almost too good to be true and he felt… almost giddy about it, as if it was going to be Christmas in a couple of days and he was a regular six-year-old. He finally… belonged somewhere, finally belonged to someone.

"What are you grinning so stupidly about?" Vanitas said, breaking his happy train of thoughts.

"Well, gee, excuse me for being happy," he said to his soon-to-be ex-colleague, raising his brow.

The girl next to him, Yuna, gave him a smile as she probably thought it was because of her.

Well, he wasn't opposed to her thinking that, it would be the easiest way.

Then, however, his eye was automatically drawn to the other corner of the cafeteria over the edge of their booth, to a flash of auburn hair—

 _Shit_.

He ducked, automatically, pretending he had dropped his phone, though he kept kneeling on the ground, eyes wide, as he thought about what he should do—

 _Not now, not now, not now, I'm so close! What do I do, what do I do?  
_  
"Dude, are you okay?" Vanitas said, leaning to the side so he could see the blonde sitting there on the floor. "What's going on?"

 _Shit_. Of course; he should have remembered the small cafeteria she had mentioned earlier this week.

 _Of course_ , this was her night out with some of her old friends and he, _stupid_ , _stupid_ , _stupid_ , had forgotten.

As he shook his head in response to the question he barely heard, too busy trying to form an escape-plan in his head, he didn't notice the black haired guy sitting up straight, casting his eye around until it landed on the red-haired girl from the bet the guy had not forgotten about.

Vanitas glanced down at the older guy on the floor, panic clear on his features and back at the girl.

What was she doing here, being so carefree as she seemed to be if Roxas had already wrapped things up with her? Why was he hiding, anyway? Had he lied?

He studied the face of the blonde again and thought back to when Roxas had said he had slept with her.

 _Nah, he hadn't lied_.

He just hadn't told the whole story, as both of them were particularly skilled at.

He frowned a little as he gazed at the red-head again.

Was this the reason why the guy he looked up to so much was quitting?

Oh, he knew, all right, he had volunteered in taking over most of the girls. He thought the guy wanted to start up his own company or whatever since the big boss and Roxas weren't exactly good friends, but this?

Could this be the real reason why Roxas was quitting? A _freaking_ woman?

 _Such a spiteful, pitiful, stupid creature?_

Well, _goddamnit_ , not on his watch.

Get in, never get out.

Not even his idol _should_ escape.

Roxas _could_ not escape, he would make sure of that.

Oh, all right, he would make sure of that.

* * *

He had closed off the door of his 'work apartment', leaving his key under the doormat, where he had told his father it would be.

He was officially done.

He was _done_.

 _Free_.

Finally _free_.

He couldn't help the stupid grin on his face, no matter how tired and worn-down he was. Hell, he could barely think through his headache and the dizziness, but it was all worth it. It _was_ still worth it.

He had actually managed to be done before Kairi's final feedback talk with her tutor, it would be published next week.

He was barely in time, but still on time.

If his father's company got rolled up, it would not bother him anymore.

All of his records there had been destroyed, Sora wouldn't tell on him and neither would his father, who took the secrecy clause as serious as he was about it to others.

The only one, or rather, the only one he was a bit concerned about was Vanitas, but that guy took their job seriously, too.

He probably wouldn't tell anyone either and the others were too scared of his dad to try and betray him by telling the police.

He couldn't have dreamed of this going as smooth as it did.

Even so, as he was going up the stairs to their floor, he heard something that made his blood run ice-cold.

A loud scream that rung in his ears and sounded familiar, _way too familiar_ —

He started to sprint, his vision blurry around the edges as he prayed to every God that could possibly exist that it wasn't _her_ , _please don't let it be her_.

However, the door to their apartment was open (it looked kicked in, which was not good at all, not good at all — _please don't let it be her_ —) and he burst in.

There was too much to consider at that point: furniture had been thrown around, he could see her at once, hiding behind a sitting chair, Vanitas standing in the middle of the room, kicking a table over as he held a gun in his hand.

He locked eyes with Kairi, a strange mix of fear, panic and the will to fight, the will to live so clear on her face as if it had been written there. _Not her. Not his girl, not her._

" _Get out_!" she mouthed at him before she covered her head as the table shattered, pieces of wood falling to the floor like rain. He could see her lips move, almost in slow motion, yet the words didn't get across. He couldn't do this, he couldn't lose her. That was the one thing he absolutely couldn't do.

He didn't move, for a moment paralysed by the scene which seemed so familiar.

For a second, he was standing there again when he was eleven years old, Sora behind him, crying. Vanitas turning into Sephiroth—

She broke his trance.

" _Roxas, get out_!" she shrieked as Vanitas fired a bullet directed at the chair, just above her head.

 _No_.

Vanitas turned, but he had begun to move, barely able of his own movements as he was blinded with a rage that was too much to be contained with reason.

At that point, he regretted not having his gun on him anymore - after all, he had to leave that in the work apartment which did not belong to him anymore after his leaving-procedure - but he was angry enough to be able to battle it out without.

He used the element of surprise to give a firm kick against Van's shin, turning the guy's arm a little too fast. As the bone broke, Vanitas let out a pained grunt and he yanked the piece of black metal from the guy's grip.

Vanitas dropped to the ground as the sounds of sirens started to surround the building; the neighbours must've heard Kairi's screams.

He immediately backed away, keeping his gaze firmly on the shaking guy on the ground as he searched blindly for Kairi behind his back with trembling fingers.

He felt her slim fingers reach up to him and he pulled her up, pressing her close to his side.

Vanitas looked up, an angry scowl on his face. "You'll regret this, leaving for that bitch," he spat. "You really think she'll stay when she finds out what you are? You're _fucking_ delusional."

He could hear the echoing footsteps and loud shouts of the cops outside and there were only two options here.

The first one, of course, would be to let the cops take Vanitas in.

He gently covered Kairi's eyes with his free hand.

Van would tell the police everything, having nothing else to lose and Kairi would find out his entire past, she'd be up to date on the most gruesome details.

The second option was to let it end here.

His fingers steadied on the trigger.

There really weren't two options at all.

There hadn't been two options, to begin with.

He raised the gun without much hesitation.

After all, he might not be a law student, but he knew he had a case now: he could tell the police he had been so emotionally rattled by the attack that he couldn't stop at the necessary defence, that he went overboard, but it could be justified.

 _No, he really couldn't lose her now_.

He pulled the trigger.

* * *

The interrogations took forever and they required every ounce of theatrical abilities that he had learned throughout the years.

He even managed to force himself to cry, which could only help his case at this point.

His father had already sent in one of the best attorneys to defend him on the case and all he could hope for was for the prosecutor to drop the case because the outcome would be excessive use of self-defence, which did not justify his actions but justified him as a person for the judges.

Besides, he had other things to worry about.

As soon as he got out of the interrogation room, with the remark he might have to come back in tomorrow for more questioning, he hurried towards the small waiting area, where she had already been seated.

She had been interrogated as well, he'd figured, but she had very clearly nothing to do with the gunshot, so they would probably let her off the hook without further questioning, unlike him.

She had been given a plastic cup with water, but her hands were shaking and she could barely contain the liquid in the glass. Her indigo eyes were trained on her knees, the look they carried within them glassy and almost… dead, somehow.

"Kairi," he breathed out, his heart clenched in horror, rushing to her side and sitting down on his knees. "Kairi, are you—"

"You _shot_ ," she croaked at once, her eyes wide as she gazed down at him. "You _shot_ him."

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice high and unnatural as a strange buzzing sound started to echo in his brain. "I'm so sorry—"

"No, that's wrong," she said as her eyes started to water, though her voice lowered to such a soft volume that only he could hear her. "You _deliberately_ shot him after he threatened you. You covered my eyes. You were _calm_."

"I know," he said, a strange hiccup in his voice as he reached out to her. "I'm so sorry. Please—"

She started to cry again, heavy sobs shaking through her body and he sat up, pulling her close to him.

"I'm so sorry," he breathed out, his heart beating in a panicked manner, his own body shaking along with hers.

He was about to lose her anyway.

Oh, God, he would lose her, forever.

After all this, he'd still lose her, _he'd lose her, he'd lose her, he'd lose her_ —

"Don't go," he pleaded her, his arms trembling as he pressed her even closer to his chest.

He knew his request was selfish and wrong to ask such a thing of her, but he couldn't help repeating it over and over.

He knew he had placed her in this position, but he couldn't let go, not now. "Please, I beg of you—"

"Let's go home, please," she whispered, her slim fingers holding onto the fabric of his sweater. "Please, let's just go home."

That calmed him down a little; she wasn't running yet, she didn't say she wanted to go alone, after all.

"Y-yeah-Yeah, of course," he said, his voice a bit hoarse as he carefully released her, holding out his hand to help her stand up.

His hand started to shake when she didn't initially take it, but when he was about to drop it, she took it, although a bit hesitantly.

"Let's go home," he repeated in a murmur, to which she nodded.

And then she smiled, very, very faintly.

* * *

He had not believed it to be over. They didn't return to the apartment but went straight to her parents.

He figured he'd rather have her safe with her family if she would, after all, kick him out.

Besides, the apartment was still in shambles and there would still be cops all over the place.

After they'd spent a good three hours talking with her parents, he noticed some very crucial discrepancies in the way Kairi told the story.

She had shown him at the police station that she knew enough as a witness to completely take down his credibility.

 _She knew_ he had been calm after he had made his decision.

 _She knew_ he had very deliberately shot his ex-colleague, even though she didn't know it was an ex-colleague.

And _she figured_ that he had covered her eyes because he didn't want her to see.

Even so, as she re-told the story to her parents and her older brother, she made it seem as if he had pulled the trigger in the 'heat of battle'.

So much so that her mother, crying, embraced him and thanked him for saving her daughter. She backed him up… _why_?

Later, when they went up to her room under the guise of trying to catch some sleep early, he knew he had some explaining to do.

His steps had never felt so heavy before.

She closed the door behind him of her old bedroom and after a minute or so, she finally sat down on the edge of her bed, looking down at her hands, waiting.

"I'm sorry," he immediately started again.

"He was _that_ _guy_ ," she said quietly, almost thoughtfully. "When we first met… he was there with you, right?"

"Yeah," he whispered, not daring to move. "He was."

"What was he talking about? Why did he come to our apartment?" she asked, looking up at him. "I mean, I could tell back then that he was bad news and that you were, too, when you were with him. Was he mad that you had severed ties with him? He kept blaming me, saying you left because of me."

She had in cornering him also created an escape. Nobody would be able to say otherwise. The only one who would've been able to discredit him was dead. The look in her eyes was hopeful, almost pleading.

He kneeled down in front of her, taking her hands in his and took a deep breath, letting it out shakily.

"Kairi," he said quietly, looking up to meet her gaze. "I'm not a good person. I've never been. I… I honestly can't tell you what I've done," he said, gently reaching up to stop her from interrupting him.

"It'll… upset you, greatly. Ever since I met you, I've honestly tried everything I could to become a better person for you, to be even slightly worthy of you. I won't…" he added, averting his gaze as he feared he might cry for real if he had to look her in the eye. "I won't blame you if you still decide to go, however. I just… I've placed my bet on you once… can I please ask you to place your bet on me, no matter how unreasonable and selfish that request is?"

"You do… ask a lot of me," she said after a while, her indigo gaze a few shades lighter as she had been crying so much today, but at least the glassy look had been replaced by something else.

This determination that was the worst punishment for everything he had done. He didn't deserve this.

"I… have to know… this, at least," she added, glancing at him. "Would he have killed me? Us both?"

He thought about it. Sephiroth had killed Aerith. Vanitas would've killed Kairi if he had gotten the chance.

He was very sure about it; these things happened a lot and Vanitas really took the policy of 'once you get in, you never go out' seriously.

Vanitas would've tried to eliminate the reason why he was quitting in the fond hope to bring him back. "Yeah," he said quietly. "He would've."

"Would he still have wanted to kill me or you if he had gotten out of prison?"

"Yeah," he said, running a hand through his hair. "Probably."

She nodded, to herself. "Right."

"Kairi?"

She smiled a little, glancing at the window, at the first stars and the moon visible through the thin curtains in the room. "Let me think for a bit."

He did, though he didn't let go of her hands, terrified he'd never get to touch them or even see them again after tonight.

He raised them a little and pressed them against his forehead.

They were cool to his burning skin as the feverish thought kept repeating through his head, almost like a mantra.

Almost like a prayer.

 _Please don't go, please don't go, please don't go.  
_  
"Roxas," she finally said, pulling her hands free from his grip. "I've come to this… conclusion. Please do not correct me if I'm wrong," she added quietly.

"I won't," he mouthed as he held his breath, waiting for the only verdict that could wound him.

"I honestly… really love you," she said, taking short breaths as she tried not to cry, biting her lip. "I don't want to know what you've done in your past as I'll focus on how you are now and who you'll become. I'll see today… as you saving both our lives and I'll t-take your deliberate and calm action as a result of your quick thinking. I… I won't be able to forget, I'm afraid," she added in a slight murmur as she gently cupped his face in her hands. "But I might be able to forgive. Eventually."

He glanced up at her, not able to believe what he heard. "You… you'll stay?"

She nodded, leaning forward to rest her forehead against his. "Thank you for saving my life," she said, and he could see the tears stick to her lashes as she closed her eyes.

"And I'll… I'll p-place my final bet on you… so, don't d-disappoint me, all right?" she finally said, hiccuping once as she smiled another very faint smile.

For a moment, he did not know what to do. He had not seen this coming and he had definitely not expected a second chance.

He was barely aware of the tears leaking down his face, slowly dripping onto his jeans as they fell from his chin as he kept staring back at her.

"You're sure?" he asked, his voice strange and hoarse, creaking halfway through and barely audible at the end.

"It's never too late to start all over again, is it?" she said quietly as she lowered herself from the bed onto his lap, burying her face in his neck. "I'm sure we'll do a great job at that, just you and me, right?"

"I love you," he whispered as he could finally smile again, too. "So much."

They would begin all over, a clean slate.

He could finally be free and be with this amazing woman who had given him a second chance at everything.

* * *

 _Everyone deserves a second chance_

 _if they are willing to take it_

* * *

 **Brothels closed in the Twilight Town District**  
Twilight Town - The police have rolled up another criminal organisation in the early morning of the twentieth of October. Most of the members have been taken into custody for further questioning. Thanks to this mass arrest, four illegal brothels have been closed in the last three days, the prostitutes were taken into victim care and the owners of the buildings have been fined. A spokesman for the police station has stated that further investigation might lead to other members of the organisation, who might have fled during the investigation process earlier. They also hope for some of the prostitutes to testify against their offenders or at least help out finding unknown offenders. The leading detective of the Twilight Town District is optimistic about closing this case successfully. He mentioned in the press conference last night that the crime rates would finally go down with most of the offenders behind the bars before the end of March next year.

* * *

 _The end_

* * *

 **Thank you so much, dear reader, for sticking by this story for as long as you have.**

 **I hope I haven't disappointed any of you. I think this was the best possible ending, with Kairi's initial forgiveness (bless her pure heart). Sorry to leave you on such a cliffhanger, haha. This story just called for an open ending and I gave it all I had for this last year.**

 **Besides, maybe it would have been better for her to not forgive him, I wonder... even so, I wouldn't have been able to pull that trick on Roxas. I've toyed with it, but his heartbreak became mine and well... I think this is for the best.**

 **What did you guys think?**

 **Updating once a month has been challenging but incredibly satisfying as long as I know some of you out there enjoy reading this silly smut of mine.**

 **I can't tell you all enough how grateful I am, how incredibly happy it makes me that you're all around.**

 **Again, honestly, thank you.**

 **I hope to see you soon in another story :)**

 **Lots of love,**

 **Your author**

 **Oh, P.S. Vanitas had to die. Vanitas has even less of a moral compass than Roxas and Roxas did not lie when he said he'd come back to try and kill both of them. I do think Roxas would've rather had that Kairi hadn't been around when he had to pull the trigger, but at that moment, there was no time. In a way, he was overwhelmed by the fear of loss. Man, sorry for the many judicial references. I have been working too hard lately and it's seeped into my writing, too, hahaha. To the point where I really think it's funny. I actually laughed.**

 **I'll repent now.  
**


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